7 of Disks, Urban Tarot

19.12.2019

Theme: cope with society

Enthralling..! Both that the card as such comes to visit me today, and the choice of interpretation of P7!

"Usually", P7 goes something like "Things coming to fruition, hard work paying off - In a general context, the Seven of Pentacles indicates that you have been working very hard and it will soon start to pay off." (thetarotguide), or "The Seven of Pentacles shows you understand the value of putting in time and energy now for longer-term rewards and have a strong desire to invest in sustainable results. You are not looking for quick wins." (biddy)

Samples of other P7s in my collection:

So, I perceive "Failure" as quite a surprising and fascinating perspective of this particular card!

That being said (written), the meaning of it in this moment is next to be pondered upon.
In my Tarot "system" the deck represents the subject "coping with society"-ish, in lack of better words to describe my perception of it.
I immediately connect it with what I wrote yesterday and the 16th of this month. Yesterday I wrote about "The Return" from the "Netherworld" to the "upper world" - how it seems to be the time for me to start finding a way to give the gifts I were born to give. That is; integrate with society with integrity, love and authentic power.
And not as I used to do it (mentioned the 16th) - leaving my heart and soul out of the equation far too often. I used to do a lot of rational "compromising". A very destructive, self-sabotaging and "evolutionary-hindering" path - something that consistently not only fortified, but also increased the split between my personality and my soul. This went on until 2012, when it became unbearable, and I had to stop and face it. By then the connection between them was merely "a dot in the horizon"! 

Society I fled, and into the underground I dived!

______

So, my interaction with society can certainly be viewed as a Failure before 2012. When I lived my life like a Zombie, a living dead. What other name can you give someone who lives her life disconnected from her heart and soul!?
I did what I thought I should do, what others thought I should or must do, and what society though I should or must do. Sometimes I did what I (thought I) wished or (believed I) wanted to do - seldom what I needed or (truly) desired! 

So I really and honestly though I was "labouring", "doing hard work", "putting effort and energy into long-term goals", "investing in sustainable results" - like the "usual P7" describes it. I worked, and worked, and worked - and waited, and waited, and waited - but never, or seldom, where there any fruits or real satisfaction to harvest! WTF!? I didn't get it!!!!  
I though I was a "good responsible girl", but I was living a lie - what I perceived as hard-work where rather pure FAILURE!?

Or was it?
It was my school - my path. 
No matter how frustrated, angry and confused I have felt in my life I've always done my best! I really truly "acted in good faith" - I really didn't know any other way to do it! Because you're not shown or taught any other way (generally speaking)!
I could certainly feel that it wasn't right, but in lack of knowledge (and self-knowledge/esteem) I trudged on "the least wrong way" I could find.
As mentioned before, I never really had (or have) any nightmares, which (if you ask me) in a way confirms that I wasn't "fleeing" anything in particular/consciously. I really, truly put my best efforts in most things I did. 

But I always knew, and frequently tried to communicate my fragmented perceptions, feelings and sensations - with barren results.
Why I often dreamed of not being able to dial numbers. First it was the telephones with the round plates, then it was phones and cell-phones with buttons - my dreams kept up with the technology development! When I woke up I never remembered who I was trying to call, only that I repeatedly failed to dial, with increased frustration. 
I had some of these dreams even with smart-phones, but now it's been many years since I had them. Now I've finally been able to dial, and find connection with, the most important person of all for me - MYSELF!

_______

So, as the card also mentions - it is through failure the best (? and most ?) lessons are learned! It is when "things don't go as we plan" we are offered the possibility to see and open up for "The Greater Plan", and look beyond our own personal agenda. 
As Robin further mentions: "failure is not the end"!
Failure is, with the above outlook, actually rather a beginning..! The word Failure actually speaks louder about the person calling (judging) it so, than the event itself! The word "Failure" reveals judgement and a narrow (negative) perspective - not a facts! 
Nature isn't Good or Bad - Nature IS :)

_______

All the above serves as very good reminders for myself (which is one of the great benefits of using Tarot cards - getting the most needed reminder/clue for the time being - at least it works like that for me). 
To remember when I "fail" to be my newly discovered true self in interaction with people and the society.
To remember when Frightened Parts of my Personality exclaims; "it's no idea, I might as well give this path up", "when will you ever learn, of course it is another blind alley!". 

________

To round it all up on an up note (and not let some Frightened Parts have the last words):
I hinted at the beginning of this reflection that I was a little surprised that this card showed up. That is because today I have had a day with really harmonious interaction with the "outside world! (Usually I pic the cards in the morning, but today it fitted better to draw it in the evening)
"The day ain't over yet silly" some FP (Frightened Part) might be eager to whisper to me. Or, "If you look back over day again - closely - aren't there something you've missed, or that you could have done much, much better??"
But, as that's just fear talking (FP's wanting me to stay put) I choose to challenge that fear, and rather go with the feeling that I was called upon to make some reflections regarding "Failure" and the interesting interpretation of P7 that deviates from the "standard"!
There's always a choice!

Fear or Love

<3

Deck #123: Urban Tarot (I have the phone application version)