Ace of Cups, Dream Raven Tarot

19.06.2022

Something's blocking the flow!

Third Ace in a row! Swords, Pent's, now Cups - rev.
So, you seem to manage your thoughts, and your resources, but something's blocking when it comes to emerging emotions/feelings?

Maybe "how to utilize this element in his dealings with others who do not share his beliefs"?

I sure have a tendency to 'shut down' when emotionally challenged. 
When my voice or experience doesn't seem to matter.
My head immediately interpret it as I don't matter.
All that matters is what I do...
Not who I AM, what I feel, what I experience.

It HURTS.
Immediate throw-back to being that little girl in her room, alone with all her emotions, feelings, questions, meaninglessness, rootlessness, 'cluelessness' ... and therefore, insane anxiety.

It doesn't seem to matter to (intellectually) understand the root cause and mechanisms behind it, and 'knowing how you should manage it' even as an adult - AoS, AoP.
That "they didn't know any other way", "it's not personal".
It just doesn't matter to that little girl.
Emotional "neglect/bypassing" (whether conscious or unconscious) is extremely painful and detrimental for a child. 
It gets programmed into your nervous system. 
It creates all sorts of personality traits and defense mechanisms, depending on your configuration.
It makes the child feel that the world isn't a safe place.

All being A PAIN IN THE ASS to work through as an adult!!!
I've lost count on how many times I've wanted to give up through the years.
When the feeling of worthlessness fills your whole being it's no easy thing to get out of bed.
Getting out of bed for a new day of being understanding, showing compassion towards others, and do your work. 

To "Understand that along this path others may not see things as you see so clearly; it is not up to you to try and change their spiritual aspect, or make judgments when others follow a faith other than your own."

Our work is to focus on what we can change - ourselves. 
And maybe/hopefully, serve as a beacon to others.

Still there are these days when it feels insurmountable to rewrite the inner narrative, and reprogram that nervous system, REALLY not seeing the point of it, as "the results seem to shine with their absence" according the deeply depressed part still residing in me.
But my track record for surviving even those days are 100% so far - the odds are in my favor!
#EmbracingAllYourParts

Deck: #DreamRavenTarot
Theme: "messages from the soul"
Card: Ace of Cups (R)

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