Ace of Stones + Ten of Potions, Chrysalis + Many Doors

17.05.2020

Theme: "transformation" + (too) many doors

Which door should I take for transformation and growth?

CARDS
Chrysalis Tarot: Ace of Stones ('Ace of Pentacles') - Abundance
"The Ace of Stones depicts a sacred megalith like those found in Stone Age circles located in many parts of the world. The Ace of Stones reaches into the morning sky warmed by brush strokes of soft sunlight heralding the beginning of a new day or cycle. The sacred stone appears as an outcrop on a hillock covered by lush, spring flora. It's a scene bristling with the energies of fresh beginnings and the promises of endless possibilities. In your reading, this very positive, affirming card indicates abundance. You can expect to attain your immediate goals with thoughtful planning and flexibility."
Many Doors Tarot: Ten of Potions ('Ten of Cups')
- no interpretations available -

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Ten of Cups according to other sources.
"Not only do you have a clear understanding of happiness, but the things that make you happy are now withing your reach" (buildingbeautifulsouls)
"The Ten of Cups embodies happiness, joy, and emotional contentment, particularly in your relationships and family. You have created an abundance of love and happiness in your life, and you now share this love with others, expanding your heart even more. This card often appears when you are surrounded by your loved ones with whom you share a powerful and deep connection. You appreciate and support one another, and together, you help each other reach your highest potential. It brings you so much joy to see your loved ones succeed and live happy lives." (biddy)

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The Ten of Potions/Cups reversed - I know there's abundance to be found in each and every now, but I am certainly having a hard time seeing and feeling the abundance and prosperity of this particular situation and Now, or in which direction I should look to see/feel it.
I'm in the midst of hating my two uteruses - again.
I had some how forgotten (repressed) exactly how much I hate the challenges they come bearing, and what they "have done to me" - but I'm now being painfully reminded.

I (intellectually) know everything is in order and that is all about that I am obliged to face some (more) of my greatest fears and old wounds - mentally and, obviously also, physically.
But "I" hate it. My Ego and head want things to be very much different from the way they are at the moment. 

"When the reversed Ten of Cups card appears in a Tarot reading, you are seeking greater harmony and connection in your relationships. In your mind, you had wished for a beautiful, harmonious relationship, but in reality, you feel disconnected and disengaged from your loved one. It may seem as if something is missing, and you're struggling to communicate honestly, empathise, and engage with one another. Each time you try to connect, something goes wrong, and you end up with even more distance between you. You may have unrealistic expectations of the relationship: that everything will be perfect and rosy every minute you are together." (biddy)
I feel severely hindered and by, and broken because of, my two uteruses. 
But of course I ain't. 
Of course there's a reason for and meaning of everything that's going on and popping up inside me - mentally and physically.

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The sky mirrors it clearly too. Chiron is transiting my Vertex (my "Destiny's Gate") - and the person that has triggered much of my current challenges have his natal Chiron at this very same point... And Chiron will hang around in this area for quite some time - he's about to do the retrograde dance hoovering here. 
On top of this, Juno (who is in opposition with above mentioned transiting Chiron) is doing her retrograde dance over my natal Jupiter and Saturn - conjunct my Ascendant. 
("If you meet a new love interest during this time [...] This person makes you feel very comfortable and secure in expressing your true nature, and a strong bond between the two of you can be felt from the beginning.")
Transiting retrograde Jupiter/Pluto is in opposition with my natal Cancer Ceres. 
Transiting retrograde Saturn (and nodes) squares my weak natal Venus. 
Transiting Nodes (right about to switch signs) are activating my natal Moon-Mars opposition. 
Transiting Pluto squares my natal Pluto ("A time when all that is personal, sensitive, and secret will come storming out of the closet to confront you"...)