C8 + The Wheel, Cosmic Tribe + Circle of Life

14.01.2020

Theme(s): "one for all, all for one" + "the circle of life"

Found myself easily irritated this morning. Annoyed by the (really) littlest things. And catching myself thinking and/or feeling the classical, but fruitless, "once I get to my new house, THEN everything will be..."...!

Wow. It's amazing how easy it is to fall back and get caught in this "comfort zone trap" (and it's amazing how pain can become a comfort zone..!) - despite knowing it's useless, or as Eckhart Tolle even call it: insane!

"Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go, and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed, angry or hard-done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon.
It is also insane."

Of course my irritability (or happiness) has nothing to do with where I live!
If I get irritated here - I will get irritated there!
The ego likes to blame the situation (place) - and long for another, more rosy, joyful, easy, etc, etc. situation/place - IN THE FUTURE.
Yes. The ego really like to spend a lot of focus on either the future, or the past, but most of all - it loves to resist THE NOW! 

If I/this/that only could...
When I/this/that...

But the so called "future" never arrives, there's just an infinite (finite for the personality) amount of Now:s - none which will never satisfy the ego living in the past or the future. But it's such a genius manipulation and construction by the ego, that it is just too easy to get swayed by it - especially since "everyone else does it" / "lives this way"!

Wanting to "leave" the Now (current situation/place) for "a better future", or just generally hurrying to a future/result is the same thing as resisting and refusing to be in the Now.
Hence, resisting the now = thinking negatively about the now = creating negative energy in the now.
Which make me think of two immediate negative consequences:
1) what you send out you attract - hence, negative energy is attracted to you - hence, the possibility of that wished for "brighter (personal) future" is lessened..! 
2) More negative energy is sent out into a world already filled to the brim with negativity - hence, the possibility of "a brighter (global) future" is obstructed!

Both insane and irresponsible are quite fitting descriptions! 

How great then that YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS - which becomes quite obvious when you acknowledge the meaning "I think that...". 
If "I" can think it - and moreover, I can think ABOUT thinking, I can't BE my thoughts..! Simple logic :) 
Hence I have the possibility to watch and then chose which thoughts to entertain, believe in and act on, and just leave the others behind!

Isn't this MAGIC!?

""The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not "the thinker." The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought, that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence. You also realize that all the things that truly matter - beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace - arise from beyond the mind. You begin to awaken."

It's amazingly powerful to do the "watching-dance".

"DO NOT BE CONCERNED WITH THE FRUIT OF YOUR ACTION - just give attention to the action itself. The fruit will come of its own accord. This is a powerful spiritual practice."

...resonates SO strongly with me. I love being in the now! I feel so happy, strong and peaceful when I am present, in the now, and leave the outcome and results in the background - certain that they (and I) are taken care of, and that everything will turn out exactly as they should!
It's the HOW, not the WHAT! 
But still I find it very hard to live this truth in the company of individuals that are more focused on the future and the results, which includes most people today.
I used to be one of "those" myself, and thrive with "them" - moaning and groaning about this and that - but now when I've turned away from that my ego feels threatened by those who chose to moan and groan, and it wants to lecture them, wake them up and defend itself. 
The ego was not happy in the old place, but - ironically - not happy in the new place either! 
Resistance to the now!

"Non-surrender hardens your psychological form, the shell of the ego, and so creates a strong sense of separateness. The world around you and people in particular come to be perceived as threatening. The unconscious compulsion to destroy others through judgement arises, as does the need to compete and dominate. Even nature becomes your enemy and your perceptions and interpretations are governed by fear."

The ego doesn't like.
It resists.
It likes resisting - it's comfortable. 
It's painful, but safe - compared to stop resisting and heading for unknown territory (change).

"Where there is anger there is always pain underneath."

My ego project it all at "them" - but it is IT resisting NOW.
Resisting the way things are. 
Which is not exactly helping me..!
But it is a step in the right direction just knowing it :) 

"IF YOUR OVERALL SITUATION IS UNSATISFACTORY or unpleasant, separate out this instant and surrender to what is. That's the flashlight cutting through the fog. Your state of consciousness then ceases to be controlled by external conditions. You are no longer coming from reaction and resistance. Then look at the specifics of the situation. Ask yourself, "Is there anything I can do to change the situation, improve it, or remove myself from it?" If so, take appropriate action. Focus not on the hundred things that you will or may have to do at some future time but on the one thing that you can do now.
This doesn't mean you should not do any planning. It may well be that planning is the one thing you can do now. But make sure you don't keep running "mental movies" that continually project yourself into the future, and so lose the Now. Any action you take may not bear fruit immediately. Until it does - do not resist what is.
"

"Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life."

Thank you dear Mr Eckhart for your lovely reminders and descriptions of reality!

"One day you may catch yourself smiling at the voice in your head, as you would smile at the antics of a child. This means that you no longer take the content of your mind all that seriously, as your sense of self does not depend on it."

I know I will :)

________

So, this morning I felt irritable. While knowing it is "wrong".
I tried to feel the source of the irritation. 
The first that surfaced was irritation over "good intentions".
Persons giving me non-asked for advice. People who unconsciously talk like they know better how I should conduct my life and manage my days. People who give me advice anchored in their own interests and perspectives, rather than mine..! Advice from Frightened people - people acting from Frightened Parts of their Personality instead of (unconditional) love. Good Intentions unconsciously coming from Fear - resulting in advice disguised in words such as "safety", "for your own good", "help". Advice drenched in fearful and negative energy. People not coming from from a loving, compassionate and neutral place, but merely (unconsciously) trying to soothe themselves and their own pain, insecurity, worry and fear by "care-taking" me...!! Care and "love" coming with hidden motives - mostly rooted in fear, or in the future.
The feeling of having other people trying to "micro-manage" me - saying what and how and when I "should" do this or that, or how to behave, and what to say - out of worry disguised as "concern". (Often, but lessening, resulting in me putting up an ugly defence wall, or my ego reflecting the same back to them ...!)

"Care-taking is different from care giving. Care giving has no second agendas or hidden motives. The care is given from love for the joy of giving without expectation, no strings attached. It cannot be manipulated or discouraged because love cannot be manipulated or discouraged." (brainyquote)

I admit it: hate it - because, as of now, I can't handle it!!

It drains my energy (meaning: I let it drain me). 
Care, intentions and advice coming from fear - with negative energy - is so freakingly scary and uncomfortable. My soul wants to run away and hide when I find myself exposed to Conditional Love. It makes me withdraw in a millisecond, and close my heart. 
I want to change this. 
I want to be able to handle this.
I want to have a constantly open heart.
I'm tired of chest-pains coming from a closed heart.
I feel powerless not knowing how to act or to protect myself from ingeniously disguised fear.
And/or, I get angry with myself for joining the fear-game instead of mustering the courage to stay open and loving in face of it. Angry with myself for not having the courage to let go, to say no in a loving way.
I feel fear and anger when I get (unconsciously) asked to take care of other's feeling, because I am still afraid of taking care of and responsibility for my own feelings (and reactions).
I'm still afraid of the fact that I do not - and in reality can't - know (and control) who, what or why I am - and I still get really triggered when others think they do, ignorant of the fact that they can't...!

A lot of fear talking here!!!

______

For know I just accept all this, watch it without judging it - as this is how it is for the moment. And it is OK, too.
I accept the now for what it is, and feel my heart open up.
I free my present of negativity (which I still oftentimes need solitude to do).
I say Yes to life, and rise the probability that life will say Yes to me :)

______

CARDS
Cosmic Tribe Tarot: Eight of Cups - Emotional Drain
"While universal energy is boundless, our human containers have limits. Often need surpasses capacity; our emotional bodies tire, and our power drains away ineffectually, serving neither our own desire nor the needs of the world. It is up to us to use the vital flow wisely.
In the card the fertile essence of opportunity pours into eight cups and then out of them unchanged. The potential of the fertile essence is wasted on the cups, whose faces scowl and threaten to contract into permanent cynicism. The cups, it seems, would prefer to contain some of this energy and put it in to good use satisfying desire or alleviating the needs of the world. But for some reason they can't hold anything. The emotional cups become sieves when we aren't aware how much energy we waste chasing impossibility or letting someone else's needs overwhelm our own. In these situations, desire will never be satisfied and someone else's needs will never be met. While we all waste energy from time to time, we must be careful not to allow the scowl a permanent home in our hearts."
"Divinatory Meaning: Should the Eight of Cups tarnish your reading, survey your scene for a situation or some person who is draining your power and making it difficult to channel raw potential constructively. The world needs strong and compassionate people. Being strong all the time isn't possible, but you can build your emotional strength by meeting your own needs realistically. For example, love people that love you back. Draw clear lines around your psychic garden and tend it carefully.
"

Circle of Life: The Wheel
"Being aware of the eternal cycles that dominate life is the first step towards constructing your own fortune."

Once again I have accepted and reclaimed a (the) Now for what it is.
It is not the first time, and not the last! Life circles on, and on, and on. 

________

Wow.
This is all very heavy and ...revealing?
New reactions surfaces immediately as the previous ones subsides.
Other fears wants to talk.
First there was the angry, irritated, blaming ones, now comes the insecure, uncertain and guilty ones. The "unlovable" ones.
The "Should I really:s?"
The "What's the point:s?"
That is: The Past and The Future in a blissful mess - Frightened Parts notoriously avoiding the present!!!
Dear Indie Goes Oracle Cards Collection App, any comments, advice or reflections...?

Yes, the feeling of "No matter what I do, I can't seem to break free of this mental and emotional prison"

But I will! :)

________

Now to something completely different - something else that I do myself (and the cosmic tribe as large) the best service in fully accepting, without focus on the results, as well! :) 

Namaste!