Eight of Pentacles, Rosa Orm Tarot
Theme: "sisu" or "unite artistry and tarot"
I get this deck a lot nowadays.
Rosa Orm Tarot.
Card: Eight of Pentacles - Training Patience
So I am. I guess. The days are slow. Boring Routine. And the head keeps asking and asking; what is it that we're so patiently waiting for?!
But hey, read it again. Training Patience.
And patience isn't at all the same thing as waiting.
If you think waiting will get you somewhere, you're missing the point.
"Nature doesn't wait, the seasons continue to arrive and depart. The Earth keeps spinning; the sun rises and sets [...]
Why do we believe waiting is natural? It goes against nature to wait. There is nothing wrong with stopping what you are doing and changing direction, taking time out for yourself and not keeping up with the pace of life or to want certain things to happen while continuing to move forth in your life. [...]
Often the change you were "waiting" for ends up looking and feeling nothing like you thought it would, either you don't feel the gratification, which amounts to the feeling of "Wow, I wasted all that time waiting for this?" or if there is gratification, it is momentary and basically elusive...then the cycle starts again, it is time to start waiting for the next thing.
Waiting is part of a much deeper pattern. Patterns that keep us stuck doing the same things over and we have no idea "why". We continue to make choices daily that attribute to waiting for that glorious day when the birds are singing, the sun is shining and everything in life is exactly how you believe it should be in your mind. The reality is nothing will ever be how we perceive it should be in our minds, it will be "as it is" and living now, in the moment is the best way to "not" wait. Knowing that opportunities and situations present themselves when you are fully engaged, living in the moment." (tracyclossley)
My head looses it when there's no 'explicit purpose' present.
Doing the same thing over and over for 'no apparent reason'.
It waits for that 'obvious reason/meaning' to pop up, so it "knows why we're doing it".
Or else it goes irritated, frustrated, or apathetic, sour.
The same thing when an imagined reason gets pulled away.
"If it wasn't for that, why are we doing it, why should we keep going?!"
Now my mind is very much stuck in "why isn't there any change?!"
Waiting for others to change.
Waiting for "effects of my efforts".
Why make such an effort if it does no good, if it isn't 'appreciated', if it isn't 'changing things for the better'?
Why do I eat over and over again? Why do I go to sleep night after night?
It's life. It is living.
Doing what needs to be done in the moment, without thinking about the next one, or how it used to be, or how it should or could be.
"...to fully live into the moment, you must drop pretenses as to what the moment should look like-exerting no control over the moment and to most of all, be fully "present". Present means without hiding, denying, living in a fantasy or anything else that takes you emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally away from yourself and your current reality." (tracycrossley)
"Knowing that opportunities and situations present themselves when you are fully engaged, living in the moment."
No matter how that moment looks like.
There's to point in spending time (moments/energy) waiting for change.
"How much of your life do you spend waiting? What I call "small-scale waiting" is waiting in line at the post office, in a traffic jam, at the airport, or waiting for someone to arrive, to finish work, and so on. "Large-scale waiting" is waiting for the next vacation, for a better job, for the children to grow up, for a truly meaningful relationship, for success, to make money, to be important, to become enlightened. It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living." (awakin)
Ironically, I think I spend a lot of time waiting for others to stop waiting - and start living...!!!
And while waiting, it feels like everything I do is merely "killing time" - waiting for 'others' to change. Waiting for others to wanting to change. Waiting for others to 'start living'.
Because I want others to start living with...
It's so boring living by yourself.
Not living alone - I'm quite comfortable with that.
But living with others (sharing houses or not) waiting for change, fleeing the present - that's awful.
I'm done trying to change them, I know I can't. I can't help them change if they don't want to. And I can't make them want it. I can't make them see that change is the only way forward/out of their "misery".
I'm done trying to change them, but I'm not done waiting for them to change... And I'm not done hoping that my changes and my "efforts to be there" for them should inspire them to "jump on the train".
Somehow thinking that would be "the best for all".
I have trouble accepting that they don't change (at a visible pace), or don't seem to want to, or even see that there's an urgent need for some change - and that the change has come from within, not without.
To a considerable degree I have accepted that they don't want to change their attitudes and ways to look at life, and that they don't want to "be more inspired by me". That's "fine". But how long should I "have to put up with them"?
If not frustrating - they are allowed to make their own choices - it feels like such a waste of time spending it with people like this. It feels like waiting - for what else is there to do? It's damn hard trying to live life beside someone who's not doing it...
So now I'm like, "when is this thing over", so I can start living again?!
There are so many lessons for me buried in this, so I don't think it will be over anytime soon.
Of course, I can leave, move, cut it. But then the lessons will surface again later on.
The main lesson being: accept what is. Accept other's resistances, knowing how much and for how long I resisted taking on deep change.
Stop waiting for them to accept and see the moment for what it is. Learning to live (a soulful) life despite near and dear not knowing how to, and not even wanting to know how to - or that there even is such a thing.
When to just accept and learn, and when is it time to leave?
I guess I will know.
Still I think I need the lessons - Training Patience pointing to this.
Emotions and "disappointment with others" pointing to this.
I have to stop (think I'm) waiting, again.
Now, that means the (thinking I'm) waiting "for this to be over" - especially as "quitting it" feels wrong, or rather, not right.
"Waiting is a state of mind. Basically, it means that you want the future; you don't want the present. You don't want what you've got, and you want you haven't got. With every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don't want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you lose the present."
"So give up waiting as a state of mind. When you catch yourself slipping into waiting ... snap out of it. Come into the present moment. Just be, and enjoy being. If you are present, there is never any need for you to wait for anything. So next time somebody says, "Sorry to have kept you waiting," you can reply, "That's all right, I wasn't waiting. I was just standing here enjoying myself -- in joy in my self." (awakin)