Eight of Wands + The Magician, Lost Tarot of Nostradamus + Medicine Woman


Themes: "Once buried, but found again" + "In the Service of Healing"

Lost Tarot of Nostradamus: VIII of Suns ('Eight of Wands')
"The imagery shows a winged angel with a trumpet with which he will announce these great events yet to be"
"Some commentators suggest this is a card of falling in love, and this works well with the idea of taking time out to rest and review the direction of your life. At such times, we have a chance to notice the person who is special to us." What I feel my soul wants to do.
"Reversed, you may find yourself plagued with disputes [...] and a feeling of regret for opportunities lost." What I think my ego thinks. That I'm in a conflict, that I'm being "treated as shit", and that I should "take revenge", but ironically also that "I should have done it in another way"...! I woke up with a rather unexpected and unpleasant anxiety, and the heavy thoughts of "oh no, not yet another day to face... I can't take it. What's the point?!"
I managed to rub the worst of it off rather quickly, as I'm beginning to get quite acquainted with most kinds of feelings of anxiety - and ruff knowledge about where it comes from, and why.
But, because of being in a state of confusion and (because of/what I think is) rather deep transformation, I got/get rather perplexed when I receive this card, reversed. How to read it?! Is everything good, or is it "bad"?! Should I "bail out", "change direction", or "rest and continue (what it feels like) dreaming"?!
And adding to the confusion - it's a deck with rather unorthodox interpretations. The W8 usually reads quite different.
I DO know that the sense of conflict is in my head - and that it is merely triggered by outside events. BUT, outside events are also rather challenging. I AM being treated in a very, very "strange" way. All "energy talk set aside" I'm "justified to feel angry". Which ALSO complicates everything..!
Though - spiritually speaking - nothing can be complex - everything just...IS. 
Wow. I could easily go crazy now.
Another card, please?
Medicine Woman Tarot: The Magician - Resources
"Your energy is your basic resource. Your sexuality is a large part of your energy system. It involves you in relationships."
"Be aware that what you need is probably at hand. Take stock of your resources and use them wisely."


All in all it breathes what I've been receiving the last couple of days. It's a challenging situation - feeling very "conflict-like", "digging up old shit" - but it has the purpose of healing. Maybe not just myself, but also helping others do the same? If I stay alert and do my job, and use my energies wisely.