Emperor + 2 of Pent's, Mibramig + Tree

17.04.2020

Themes: "reluctance taking on responsibility" + "slow steady organic growth"

My immediate intuitive association when drawing The Emperor from the Mibramig Magical Tarot was yesterday's subject/writings. Regarding how the Ego highly dislikes not being The Captain of the Ship. How I now do things against it's will and, first and foremost, it's fears - and instead try to navigate via intuition, and with high focus on being open and giving, despite many Frightened Parts of my Personality feeling highly insecure, on thin ice and wanting to protect the heart with high, thick, unbreakable walls. 

I acknowledge and feel all the fears, but choose not to act on them - or at least not to let them rule me. 

"Each time you choose not to act on a frightened part of your personality, you create authentic power - and you grow spiritually. The frightened parts of your personality come less frequently and with less intensity, and the loving parts fill more and more of your consciousness." (link)

Which I believe is one of the most important responsibilities in one's Life ("doing the Earth School lessons") - something my Ego and Frightened Parts highly disagree with of course - and together they constitute a fairly great resistance, hence the Mibramig Emperor. Hence the busy head, anxious body, and poor sleep!

But all is in order. The Frightened Parts are just very active right now, very many, and very intensive. Their intensity will lessen with time and a little each time I choose not to act on them. Creating Authentic Power (another kind of Emperor than this reluctant one) and spiritual (slow steady organic) growth.

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CARDS
Mibramig Magical Tarot: The Emperor
"The Emperor is strong and stable. Seated on his throne, he sees into the distance, watching over his lands and possessions. His willpower is invincible, sometimes even excessive." Indeed, this is how me Ego wants to feel - strong and stable! But I'm not at the moment, I have many Frightened Parts in me active, and I feel very vulnerable - but all this is all right! I do not look far into the future, I focus on The Now, The Present - my Ego doesn't like that either! The Ego feels powerless, despite all it's inherent willpower - that's also OK!
All this is very uncomfortable - but everything is as it should!
The Tarot of Trees: Two of Pentacles
"Two trees intertwine their branches around two pentacles and reach into the winter sky. Their branches form an infinity symbol."
"The Two of Pentacles is about juggling your projects and also about perpetual change. This card has an infinity symbol on it to symbolize that the only thing we can know for certain is that things will change - and this card indicates that change is at hand."
"This card is also about maintaining a balance in your life juggling all of the different and simultaneous project you have going."

Reversed - I certainly don't feel balanced right now. Or rather, the Ego "doesn't feel like it wants to". It doesn't feel strong, stable and in control. Meanwhile, there's a deep knowing that everything is A-OK beneath all the rambling fearful feelings and Ego resistance. A strange combination of knowing that everything is under (universal) control and taken care of - but to a great part feeling the complete opposite..! And it's quite the challenge not succumbing to these feelings, when they are this strong (like I used to do the greater part of my first 30+ years) - but, one step at the time! Slow steady organic growth!