Five of Pentacles, Eden Tarot


Theme: "before the fall"

Card: Five of Pentacles
"...promises a profound renewal in the material field. Maybe you'll come into an inheritance or you'll meet an employer, who offers you a better job or your own business will grow to a considerable extend."

This is a strange deck, and it's appearance is often peculiar in its timing.

There's not much Eden about my current situation..! At least not feeling-wise. 
And then the card. I'm quite far away from "work", in any traditional sense, and can't really see or feel how to interpret this card/message. I have to widen the meaning of "the material field" a lot to make it applicable, if at all..! 
Somewhere along the line "I'm growing in my personal resources-assets-strength" maybe. That I will, by 'enduring these incredibly boring circumstances' in a responsible/loving/conscious way, have "my business grow". My business being 'my mission' - my capability to empathy/nurture/care - my own growth - which can (and do) inspire others to grow. Referring also to me having my 10th house (career) in Cancer. And the 10th house being highly highlighted in this years Solar Return.
And in that sense, my situation is like a paradise of potential to grow!
Kind of, sort of...
I really don't know...!

I'm quite annoyed with how circumstances are right now - but guess I know that everything is as it should - but not AT ALL to my liking.
Me liking it or not quite irrelevant in the eyes of the Universe...


But then we have the traditional meaning of P5, which describes more fittingly how I perceive things at the moment.

"Financial loss, poverty, lack mindset, isolation, worry." (biddy)

I feel I've been robbed ("poverty-poor") and that I have lost valuable resources (if I liken a person with a 'material thing').
And also feel like I have "thrown a lot of money in the lake", to use a Swedish phrase. "Invested in the wrong horses" - although knowing every time that it was 'risky business', and that it was the right thing to do, in the moment - 'the moment' being the only thing that is, and ever will be. I could be dead tomorrow.
Furthermore, when having no 'other' to focus on, or rather - interact with - I feel my life looses its purpose. It's through interaction I learn and grow. In combination with reflection of course! But there's a lot less to reflect on when living and doing things by yourself.
There's certainly a 'lack mindset' permeating my thoughts and feelings.
I feel highly isolated!!!
And 'worried about my future'.