Four of Cups, Apokalypsis Tarot
Card: Four of Cups
"The path of the heart runs through the depths of the ocean, and there it teems with life from the world's range of emotions. We all know of love, speak fondly of affections and admire devotion, but who among us has the courage to embrace emptiness? Who can see the worth in the absence of love - not the bitterness of its loss, for that is not mystery, but the dull plateau of disappointing not-love? Here, the waters of the heart are murky and dim, the light penetrating only briefly to the depths; earth that once nourished now mires and muddies. Joy does not sing, nor does the lover dance their abandonment here. My heart is the test of commitment and of resilience; my song is that of the familiar; my promise is the final attempt to save that which is dying. These waters may no longer refresh and awaken you, but they yet have power. It is here, in the stagnant waters of the heart, when the reflection is most clearly seen in the still surface of unmoving pools, that the face of the matter becomes known. In the mud and murk truth begins to grow." In more ways than one I feel the "final attempt to save that which is dying", because the waters "yet have power", though not always feeling "refreshing". "The face of the matter becomes (more and more) known". "Truth begins to grow", from the depths, upwards. My hope is (still) that the truth will eventually see the light. I can certainly feel the "My heart is the test of commitment and of resilience". And I do think I have "the courage to embrace emptiness" by now.
"...this is were we get stuck in a rut and where relationships turn sour through over-familiarity." Admittedly. We've been here, done this, I would rather not be here again..! But - it has to be revisited. Because of 'the truth still buried in those deep murky waters', which is not being voluntary invited to join the party, by all parties. Because of...
"being unwilling to try something new in relationships"
"tradition negatively influencing matters of love"
And I, undeniably, (still) easily get stuck in
"unhealthy obsession or fixation upon a person". But I'm making progress - thanks to him 'taking his time waking up from dying'. It forces me to "embrace the emptiness", and accept the "absence of love" from the outside.
So, another card that can advise me in this situation maybe?
Prince of Wands.
"Walk these place on the edge of the acceptable, and I shall walk beside you, pushing you onwards into the heat. If greatness is what you seek, I will answer to your call only when all else has been exhausted, for I am the last reserve of fleeting, focused energy needed to push you to the threshold. I will burn you, I will strip away your flesh and I will kill you, but you will achieve greatness." Thank you!
This Prince of mine "...is drawn to power and has great ambitions but lacks the staying power to stick with anything long enough to achieve greatness. He is charismatic only inasmuch as he says he is; he is powerful in short bursts; his energy burns out so quickly that it is unsustainable. This makes him a useful resource in getting a short focused job done; he is the burst of energy needed for the final push towards completion. Yet he cannot be relied upon often, commonly bringing chaos in his wake." This is certainly much of the cause to again "being in that over-familiar" place in the relationship. This reoccurring chaos he puts himself in, because of "lack of staying power". And than the unconscious knowing of this, and the frustration over the "missing results" and then the (seemingly unrooted) feelings of "powerlessness". Of course it is hard to feel and give love in that chaos - unconsciously knowing (the creeping feeling) that you're on the wrong track/doing something wrong - just not (consciously) knowing why!
Yet - of course - I have much of this "lack of staying power" within me too. I'm very aware of that, and not super proud of it. And that's probably why I'm seeing this behaviour mirrored back to me through this living magnifying glass - and given the opportunity to face and accept it in another, and at the same time in myself. So yes, he is pushing me towards my thresholds, and it's up to me to step over them.
I don't feel this to be an advice, rather a more clarifying description of the situation and it's mechanisms.
Should I draw yet another card?
"The Sixes of the Tarot return to their suits a sense of balance and gentleness after the destructive nature of the Fives. In the suit of Cups, the emotional upheaval and anguish created by the aggressive Five is soothed by the Six, in which we find kindness, sweetness and care. The reciprocity of the Sixes also gives to this card a generous nature, offering us a gift and promise of some of life's simplest pleasures. This simplicity also brings with it innocence and a childlike nature."
"Doing something because it feels good but not understanding fully why"
"Engaging in small acts of kindness."
"Generosity and gift-giving"
"Caring for others"
"Playfulness; learning through play"
And now I feel that advice has been given, and that the drawing is done!