Four of Pentacles, Alchemy England

03.01.2021

Theme: "dark forces pulling"

So far the deck that has appeared the most in the CoD-series - 9 times.

Card: Four of Pentacles
Reversed. But maybe not the most important thing when considering the deck theme. Something dark is pulling and interfering in some association with P4.
Example: saving/greed are common key-words for P4. So there could be that shadows are being triggered by some sort of money/resource issue. Much possible related to my feelings of being "stuck" in a "non-advancing" situation. "YOU DESERVE MORE!!!" the shadows scream. More of everything - "you should get more appreciation, more tokens of love, your money returned, be asked to participate, get favours asked for done, and your unique talents (resources) should definitely be utilized much, much more!!!"
"Don't accept being treated like wasted garbage!!!" the snakes hisses from deep recesses within me.

As I have mentioned earlier, this is a card reluctantly I draw a lot in my early Tarot days, back in 2014. It has only appeared 6 times in this series, as compared to 11 for cards that have showed up the most.

There's often the focus on material stuff and money when it comes to Pentacles, but as hinted to I prefer to think of resources in a broader sense. So, something like:

"...because he is so attached to his [resources], he can't move or go anywhere. He has no one to speak to, not even the friends and family members in the community behind him. The man finds himself stuck in one place with a singular fixation: [his resources]"

"The Four of Pentacles asks you to examine your relationship with [your resources]. Are you accumulating/investing your [resources] wisely while still enjoying your day-to-day life?"

I'm develop and invest my resources to the best of my capacity. So far so good. And I really feel more and more relaxed in that sense. Thanx to Tarot, Horoscope, dreams and a growing connection with my intuition I'm nowadays mostly feeling I'm doing the right things - the things that I am here to do. "While still enjoying your day-to-day life?" Nah. That's where there's still work to be done...
I still have forces - sometimes silently dormant - in me hoping for, or rather demanding quicker/different results and pay-offs from my so called investments. 
Sometimes they scream, and create feelings of resentment or anger, other times they just pull me down and tell me that "it's no use" - "stop this nonsense of yours", "you will never make it", "you will never get what you want", "no one can handle or wants your so called uniqueness, when will you ever get and accept that?" - making me afraid, and doubting whether, to continue on my "lonely fruitless path" and "being me", as that that "obviously just annoy and scare people off". 
Having the "[resources] works best when it can flow and exchange" deeply lodged in me, the feelings of "isolation and freeze out" hurts. And when my resources seems to "be of no benefit/use" - North Node in 10th.

Maybe todays lesson is about not to put so much focus on "what I get back", but keep focusing on "doing right" - that is doing what I have to do, being me, in each and every moment, having faith in results being also exactly what they should be, in the moment.

"...you already established a way of living that works for you! Change feels like a threat to your certainty, safety and security in life. Any suggestion of doing things differently is, therefore, going to be met with resistance. So, 'playing it safe' may be the way to go rather than taking any risks at this point."

Thankfully I'm quite strong in my conviction that everything is the way it should be - no matter what some opposing feelings may tell. I'm not about to act on prevailing "dark thoughts or feelings". I will continue to "play it safe". 

"Even when your outer world seems chaotic and in a constant state of change, you can create more certainty for yourself by controlling your inner environment."

The only thing that ever CAN be controlled (to a certain extent) is yourself, and most of all your own responses to your own reactions, thoughts and feelings (about your life situation). And therefore it's SO much more effecting working on those, rather than to focus on or try to change others "displeasing/disrespectful behaviour" "causing" your situation.