Moon, Far Sight Lenormand
Theme: "Navigating towards a goal out of sight"
Again. Got a Ring not long ago.
Deck: Far Sight Lenormand
"One's status; esteem; occupation"
In two days I've pulled three Moons from three different kinds of decks. One Tarot deck, One oracle deck, and now this. Three moons and three Towers.
Reflection and structures falling.
Reflection on "expect the unexpected - massive change, upheaval, destruction and chaos".
And "A lightning bolt of clarity and insight cuts through the lies and illusions you have been telling yourself, and now the truth comes to light." Yes, The Moon also encompasses Illusions, even though I don't like that word or aspect of it. I hate the thought of living in illusion, of fooling myself.
It sure seems from the outside like I'm living an illusion. That I'm waiting for the impossible to happen - for others to change. For one specific other to wake up from THEIR illusion. It's certainly out of reach (day before yesterday), and very much out of sight.
So why am I doing it? Why am I fooling myself to stay, and "hope for change"?
It's so painful and frustrating to live in and with an illusion.
But do I really still hope for change?
I certainly did in the beginning. Then I really tried "loving hints", and sometimes plain communication - man, did I hit walls by the latter.
Now I think - hope - I'm maybe in the phase of acceptance. Accepting that things wont change. Accept that it doesn't matter what I say. Accept that "I don't matter to him" - not the way "I want to matter".
So I "stay" to go through this - not because I stay with him "no matter what".
Stay to practice being myself, and the one I want to be, "no matter what". Practice non-reaction, in face of thousands of opportunities to react. Practice forgiveness, when there's no "outer reason" to forgive. Practice being love although continuously being treated with disrespect, selfishness and broken promises.
So many times I've asked myself, why? Why is this "happening to me?" Although knowing it's not happening - but teaching.
But then the mirror part - "you get back what you send out...! What the heck am I so in denial about that comes back to me like this - through this extreme behaviour, understandable by no one?!
But then, also, you get the experiences that you need... For development and expansion in awareness.
The greatest test (non) imaginable regarding - Is it more important to be right, or to be happy...?
I admittedly hope it's all entering the final phase now, with all these Towers. That the final exams are upon me. To "end this" in love, with integrity, and move on to the next phase. A phase including a more communicative, awake and openly loving partner.
But who am I to wish? I have (apparently) no idea what's best for me, from a universal and evolutionary perspective..!
Anyhow, I really, really hope I pass the exam, and don't have to do these tests all over again.
Please God, give me the strength to endure, to make the right choice (that is, choose happy), and come through!
Recap. Biddy tarot card of the week: Strength reversed.