Nine of Cups, Visconti-Sforza Tarot

27.12.2019

"As the Nine of Cups in its upright position is a card everyone seeks to see during their reading, having the reversed card appear can be both shocking and upsetting. The Nine of Cups reversed tells a tale of disappointment and failure to get what you truly desire" (keen)

Bollocks!
There must be someone or something to blame for this!?
Is there...?

This is a rather good looking deck, but quite inconvenient to use - very large cards, which not even my large (XL) hands can grab! But it's suiting that it is troublesome to handle, because:

Theme: traditional thinking

...is what the deck represents. Which could be written as 'fivesensory thinking' as well.

There we have it!

"You're feeling of disappointment comes from being stuck in traditional thinking!"

Other versions:
"The reason you don't get what you (think you) desire, is because you fail to attract it!"
(It's not to expect to receive love if you radiate fear - like attracts like!)
"What you (think you) desire might not be what you need!"

"When the Nine of Cups is reversed, you need to think more carefully about the things that you really want in your life. The Nine of Cups reversed can signify that you are looking for a more authentic feeling of fulfilment. [...] you personally still feel dissatisfaction in yourself - it seems as though your desires are never-ending, a black hole. [...] it is time for you to stop placing a value on all your blessings, and instead pay attention to the quality of your life." (labyrinthos)

"In a spiritual context, the Nine of Cups reversed can indicate that you may be feeling a lack of spiritual fulfilment and looking for external ways of filling this void. True fulfilment comes from within so you would do well to shift your focus back to your spiritual side and concentrate on discovering your spiritual path." (thetarotguide)

________

I woke up feeling somewhat empty and limited. With thoughts starting with "if only..." just pouring in "from nowhere", in a steady stream.
"If only I had the courage/support/skill/knowledge/means to..."
Wow - those surely weren't there when I went to bed! I went to bed with a rather pleased mind..!

I never have a clue "who I will wake up as" - what feelings and thoughts I will wake up to. The activities in my inner world when I go to bed and when I wake up can differ quite substantially, and are utterly out of my control. This used to scare the shit out of me (too).
I could go to bed with pretty severe anxiety, and wake up rather satisfied. I can go to bed quite excited, and wake up empty or bored. (maybe it's getting more and more obvious why I have been afraid of schizophrenia for the greater part of my life? :)) 

I've never really been comfortable with this - but never felt "sick". Bad - yes, sick - no.
Clueless - yes.
Having a hard time shutting it down to "cope with the real - traditional/fivesensory - world" - you bet!
Angry, frustrated, and feeling cursed - oh, yes!
Behaving like a victim, demanding to be understood, craving to be "released" from my burden (myself) - a thousand times yes.

____

Since many years now I've had my victim coat hanging on the coat hanger, instead of wearing it. And all knowledge I have gathered about the workings of the psyche have soothed me deeply! To sum it up I guess I've got my mind satisfactory calmed, but with emphasis on the intellectual perspective. The perspective easiest for me to grasp. But intellectual awareness is only part of the solution. Emotional awareness is as essential - but not as easy for me to cope with (Mercury in house 2, Moon rather lonely in house 9). 
Hence my intense, highly variable, unpredictable emotional life - it's what I'm (in this configuration) on the Earth to learn about! Voila!! If I don't learn about it now, I will hand the learning over to someone else, and by that not take responsibility of (my) Life, and do what I'm here to do (align my personality with my soul, spiritual growth, develop multisensory perception)!
I guess I get my assignments for the day from the moment I open my eyes - the moment when I'm most reachable, and not yet distracted from the outside!  

"Every emotion is designed to inform you about how you are processing energy in your energy system so that you can choose to continue the same way or change." (heartofthesoul)

"Emotions are classes in the Earth school. Some classes are about fear, and some are about love. The Universe is your tutor, and your classroom is your life. The main course in the Earth school, Authentic Power, is the same for everyone, but different students need different courses in order to complete it." (Gary-Facebook)

"We live in a world of meaning. That world is the Earth school, the physical arena of our personal and collective experiences. We are the students. Our experiences are the curriculum." (spiritualityandpractice)

So, there's just no reason to be disappointed. It's merely destructive, distracting and irresponsible - distracting your mind and eyes from looking at the real task!
Or rather, you can't even BE disappointed!! It's an illusion! It's actually (scientifically) impossible!! You can choose to think you are disappointed, and then choose to believe that thought - but that's rather silly..!?
And highly unproductive seen from a greater (spiritual and evolutionary) perspective - waste and distortion of precious energy!
You can choose to believe that thought, but most likely it will immediately produce an uncomfortable feeling somewhere in your body (most likely in solar plexus/chest/throat/head) - which hints to you that something in your thinking isn't true, or comes from fear!
Nature speaks in such a lovely language!

So, my first task for the day is to figure out why I woke up feeling empty and limited - as none of it can be true! My true essence is always full, and have no limits - per definition!

Where in my body am I feeling the emptiness and limitation?
How am I feeling it?
What thoughts accompanies these feelings?
What am I afraid of?

I know I have exactly everything I need every given moment, why don't I feel it?
There's a gap between my (now active Frightened Part of my) personality and my soul, and closing that gap is (always, at any given moment) my primary responsibility! 

And closing that gap can never be done with traditional (fivesensory) thinking (theme of the deck)! My (assumed) problem ('disappointment') belongs to my old way of thinking, the solution is to be found in my new (multisensory) way of thinking!

"You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created." 

Deck #129: The Golden Tarot - The Visconti-Sforza Deck