Nine of Pentacles, Gamble-Hounsome

19.10.2020

Theme: "the Tarot deck that created itself" - "existing energies" or "the inherent knowing"

The Gamble-Hounsome Tarot. I only have the book, so I draw the card with another deck, and then looked it up in the book.

Card: Nine of Pentacles
"...a direct reminder that we create our own reality. If we go about thinking that the world is a difficult place where everyone is out to get us, we will act accordingly and with this expectation and this will be our experience. Alternatively, should we have the mindset that the world is a good and wonderful place to be alive in and that people are basically nice, our behaviour and actions will reflect this and so our experience will be one of positivity, wonder and niceness."
"...our need is to be connected to the energy, presence and awareness of our Soul, and learn to bring this into the body, express this by our actions and lives on the earth plane of our existence. When we do this, we can achieve great things and exceed our potential and expectations like never before."
"...being among the trees and the branches of the forest - the Stag's natural habitat. Here he has a sense of natural expression, sure of himself and his place in the world, just as we can be with the energy in this card now."

I am so not. 
Reversed.
I'm feeling very confused and weak now, with highly disturbing back pains "messing with my hopes and plans".
But of course they are not.
Everything is as it should be.
Just not as "I wish them" to be.

Why? What's the message? What am I doing wrong? What should I be doing different?

I know that The Now always is exactly as it should be, and that I always have exactly what I need for my highest good - that's the Inherent Knowing - so what is it that blocks me from feeling it, and how should I proceed?

***

"...the reversed Nine of Pentacles suggests that you may need to release some of your need for a particular income or standard of living, especially if it gets in the way of other life priorities..."
"Do not be afraid to take a cut to your income for a short time or to reduce your hours at work... even if this means you have to eat rice and beans..."
"It is vital that you focus on what is most important to you. Finances may need to come second..."