Nine of Swords, Atavist Tarot
No need to feel guilt for taking care of yourself!
No need to waste energy on shaming yourself for being weak, when your body just responds in the only way it (currently) knows to! Neither your body nor your mind is in 'disorder', they're responding in accordance with what your disregulated nervous system tells them!
Listen to the tension and pain in your body, be with your anxiety - it wont kill you!
Most likely quite the opposite :)
Continuing to override your system and the signals it sends (scream) on the other hand, might kill you - if not physically, in spirit.
The 'fact' is that your system has a disregulated nervous system from some form of trauma if it shows any form of depression, stress, anxiety etc. Trauma being either something that have happened in your life, or something NOT happening (for example, absence of emotional regulation).
We have to listen to both our soul and our body - both spirit and 'science/facts'!
Disregarding either, and the system will protest. Sooner or later - the later the louder!
You can turn this around!
Regulation is key.
And creating disconfirming experiences.
Inspiration: Mastin Kipp
Deck: Atavist Tarot
Theme: "finding balance between religion and science (spirit/facts)"
Card: Nine of Swords (R) - Lord of Despair and Cruelty
"guilt, self-punishment, denial"