Page of Cups + Quest, TaRat Tarot + Chakra Wisdom Oracle

20.06.2020

Themes: "gnawing" or "survival" + "all the information you need is already within you" (hence not without - referring to how my Ego constantly repeats 'information is king', and craves to feel "informed")

***

The Rat.

"Rats have continued to survive despite public opinion - despite the war against them."
"...may be telling you to take back your mojo and defend your territory. Either that or Rat warns that your situation is sinking fast and it's time to get out! To discern which, watch the behavior of your animal spirit guide. The more urgent they appear, the more likely it is that the time to move is NOW!" (whatismyspiritanimal)

"They also denote the emotional baggage that you could be carrying around. It's time for a spiritual cleaning." (auntyflo)

"Rats are as such symbols of typically destructive forces/thoughts within you that you're unconscious about.
One association you could make is that the rats (the thing they represent) are gnawing at you. Maybe they're even happily gnawing your life away?
" (michaelrolsen)

***

So what's gnawing me, or triggering destructive forces/thoughts?

CARDS
TaRat Tarot: Page of Cups
"a serious, shy person" Frighteningly true and spot on. Unsuspecting my inner battles and processes!
Chakra Wisdom Oracle Cards: Quest
The colour blue
"Find your way of expressing yourself"
"communication"
"The cards of the fifth chakra - the throat chakra - reveal at a core level matters of communication; this includes creative focus and your ability to be heard and understood. being able to communicate the truth you feel in your heart will bring forward all the positive attributes of these cards."
"The resulting experiences in your life are linked to how you communicate with the world around you. In essence this means that you will not get what you ask for, but you will get who you are, reflected back to you."
Quest
"The Navy Trail"
"When I am somewhere else, my life will have meaning"
"The Legend: Mrs Patriot, the oldest woman in the town of Blue, decides she is ready to set out across the deadly swamp and walk the Navy Trail that no one has dared tread before. The wise youngster points out that the swamp has vanished - and the path that she seeks is already before her. Mrs Patriot sees that her life is not elsewhere, but is in the here and now."
Meditation
"Write down five truths about yourself. Look at your list and close your eyes. Imagine the Navy Trail stretched out before you. You may see images or hear a song or feel the sun on the path. Allow all sensations."

Blues: Excerpts from Chakra Wisdom Oracle Book

***

Yes. My Ego would like "to be somewhere else". But I'm not. 
I cannot run or move away from that which is gnawing inside me.
Sure, it might could feel like the gnawing disappeared, but that would only be until something else - in that new place - triggered the unconscious rat again.
This time it's "a serious, shy person" I feel is gnawing at me, in that "other place" it would be someone else. 
There is nowhere else to go, my path is exactly where I already have my feet.  
Truths about myself?

I'm very much occupied with practising communication - regarding matters of the (my) heart and finding my own truths. Fittingly the transiting Nodes are on the edge of Gemini, the sign of Mercury and communication. I have my natal Mercury square my Nodes, hence his a rather important component regarding my soul's mission - and again, he's opposite gnawing Chiron.  The transiting Sun is super conjunct the aforementioned transiting North Node, and there's a Solar Eclipse coming up. A solar eclipse having Juno and Chiron in opposition, squaring Vesta, trine/sextile Venus retrograde - so it feels about right that matters of the heart, soul, commitments, old wounds and such are triggered and should be highlighted! And with the heavy retrograde quartet Jupiter-Pluto-Saturn-Pallas still hanging tight (squaring my Stellium containing Venus-Pluto-Lilith-Juno...)

***

I dreamed of a white:ish dog tonight. A medium sized rather furry thing. Not fluffy, but rather woolly. I'm not sure it was mine, or if I was taking care of it for someone - it felt as if I had recently met the dog. But it felt like a really friendly, nice and uncomplicated dog, and I had some kind of connection to it, despite not being a "dog person".
I was coming with the dog to a rather large indoor/outdoor place where there where many people, all with dogs. It was kind of a place where you could leave your dog for a short while, like for shopping somewhere nearby. I remember someone in charge of the place saying that all dogs should be "naked", have eventual covers taken of. I asked if an exception could be made for my dog, as he had bandages around his back/body, on which I could see the blood from a newly performed surgery. It was along all the dogs back - so, probably something had been done with his spine? 
So, something along the loyalty(dog)-spine(courage) is going on/transforming (surgery) inside? 

There was also a dream were I was on a jetty by water. Dropping a cream coloured platter into the water (I have plates like that) - a little girl quickly swam after it, and gave it back to me. Some strange phenomena also occurred. I moved in a strange way along the jetty - or rather: was moved. I was reading or something, and every time I 'looked up' I had moved 1 metre or 2 further out on the jetty. It was really strange and felt clearly 'magical' or 'in the hands of larger forces'. For a short second I was a little bit afraid that I was going to fall into the water - if moved over the edge. But that fear soon went away, as I realised that the 'moving' happened in a seemingly predictable way. The same distance, and the same direction. Therefore I felt that I could just move back well in time before the edge of the bridge, "reset" the 'movement' and have it start over from the beginning again.

There were in general some unknown and strange parameters in tonight's dreams, but an overall calm feeling anyway, and the last scene I remember was a really friendly one starring an old classmate of mine. A very nice Christian girl.