Queen of Pent's, Happy Tarot
Theme: "Don't worry, be happy"
So, once again I was starting to enjoy thoughts such as "I wish there was more interest in me - my thoughts, my feelings, my doings", and "shouldn't I get more mental and physical attention"? And I could feel my (probably Ego's) answers. Resounding yes:es.
I feel like withdrawing, and just minding my own life and things. Not that above thoughts raised any particular hurt or especially strong victim feelings, but rather from indifference and a cooling interest. There's just "too little payoff", "not enough progress/response" inner voices murmur, so why not just focus on myself again, and get more things "done"?
"Been here, done this, I want more".
Sounds reasonable, at a first glance, from a rational and/or emotional point of view.
But. Apparently Ego speaking? Or Frightened Parts of my Personality. Not outright or obviously frightened, but rather indifferent, losing interest and bored parts - which is just versions of how fear comes out in a distorted way.
"BOREDOM IS A FLIGHT from what is important. Like workaholism and perfectionism, it is a way of distracting yourself from inner experiences"
"Boredom is failure of the search for external fulfillment and refusal to look at what drove the search. Boredom is deep-rooted resistance to experiencing emotions after all efforts to distract attention from them have been ineffective. The root of boredom is resistance to painful emotions."
"You were not born to lose yourself in activities. Your purpose on the Earth is to give the gifts that your soul desires to give, those that create harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for Life, no matter what form they take."
"The parts of yourself that oppose the intentions of your soul - harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for Life - are the parts that are frightened, the parts that create workaholism, perfectionism, and boredom. Boredom, like perfectionism and workaholism, is a flight from your higher potential. It is fear of the transformation that wants to occur, and will occur in you, when you explore your emotions. It is your resistance to spiritual growth." (HeartOfTheSoul)
Yes, I can smell the "practical" scent my thoughts give off. And I again remember that life is bigger than "me", and that "I" really don't know what's best for me! That my soul has another agenda than my Ego - and the rain starts pouring outside my window.
I think of the message in the book I'm currently listening to.
"The point of this book is to free ourselves of longstanding and rigid ideas and images of what it means to love, to be married, to be a friend, or to live in a community."
My soul resonates with this!
"When two people connect, worlds collide and intersect, not just two persons. When you meet someone interesting, you may be introduced to a new world of activities and places and objects. As you get to know them better, you may meet their family and friends. The very idea of relationship is incomplete without honoring the world of that each person brings along."
And yes, my Ego really wants my world to be honored. But what does my soul want?
"Soul matters don't lead lend themselves to easy solutions, because, even though they may look like emotional problems, they touch the very structures of life. They raise issues about your being rather that just your feelings."
"We live in a psychological time, when books on getting along in life, usually referred to as "self-help", don't go for depth as much as clever techniques and experiments."
"When you find yourself in a difficult relationship, you might consider overlooking the self-help manuals and instead read some deeper, more philosophical writing. You may benefit from an expansion of your imagination and a tightening of your ideas."
Love the last sentence! I know I need to develop my imagination and creativity - and let go of thoughts and ideas, about this and that.
"...difference is exactly what emotional alchemy is all about: mixing different lives and worldview into a new third thing, a relationship"
"Here is where the soul comes in. People are indefinitely deep and complicated. Think about that: indefinitely deep and complicated. We usually assume that they say what they mean. But the words they utter may express their confusion and not just their clear thoughts. We have to be patient and tolerant and allow the other person to work out their thoughts and feelings even as they are saying them."
"We are told to be clear and forthright in the expression of our feelings. We are supposed to communicate to our partners. We are expected to be good listeners and to be full of patience and empathy. We are given the illusion that it's possible to understand ourselves and others. But it seems to me that these expectations ignore soul. The soul is always complicated. Most of its thoughts and emotions could never be expressed in plain language. You could have the patience of Job and still never understand your partner, because the soul by nature doesn't lend itself to under- standing or to clarity of expression. If we are going to be soulful in our relationships, then we will have to give up these expectations that are foreign to soul. We may have to enter the confusion of another's soul, with no hope of ever finding clarity, without demanding that the other be clear in expressing her feelings, and without the hope that one day this person will finally grow up or get better or express herself more plainly." (SoulMatesThomasMoore)
Don't worry, be happy!
And what is it that I should focus on (for the soul) to be happy?
Card: Queen of Pentacles
"A person who is practical, big-hearted, and earthy. This person loves to feed the world, and she finds her greatest contentment in nature."
"You can find happiness in motherly nurturing."
So, sound like I should continue to care for others, and not focus on myself or my 'wishes'!