Queen of Wands, The Light Seer's Tarot

20.03.2020

The Light Seer's Tarot, theme: "expresses the light and shadow sides of our natures and explores the lessons that can be learned from both"

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Darkness isn't just an illusion to me - in this body, in this configuration of 'me'.
Neither is it bad, wrong nor ultimately 'true'
It just is.
A part of The Now.
And it comes with lessons.
It has a purpose.
Or else it wouldn't be there..!

If you ask me, right now.

I don't believe in burying it, being afraid of it, neglecting it, hating it or distracting yourself from it - all of which I tried intensely my first 34 years in life. 
Neither do I believe in just naming it "an illusion" - or "turn your back to it" (which to me amounts to variants of the aforementioned) and "turn towards the light instead". 
If darkness is present - accept it.
That's my view on it.
A view fuelled from deep inside, and a view with support from people such as Ram Dass, Eckhart Tolle, Gary Zukav, Deepak Chopra and C.G. Jung, to mention a few. 
Accept it and face it.
It's there for a reason.

"Focus on the light and love" just don't resonate with me - to me that feels a little bit like swinging the pendulum to the other side - I get the "positivism" vibe from it. Just another -ism. 
It easily becomes 'word:ly' - a lot of loving words and a 'love shatter', smileys and floods upon floods of heart:y icons. Often I feel (unrecognised) fear hiding in all those words and icons. Sometime I can sense the 'intention' and/or wish/hope/need for love, and a love that 'wants the darkness gone as soon as possible' - a sort of 'pushy' love. Like when the Ego is eager to 'fix' something - here with the 'fix' being love. And hence actually a lack of that 'universal unconditional Love' (with large L) that's all embracing. 
I burn for and yearn for calm unshakeable balance (as it happens I do have many, many planets in Libra, 1st house). I feel imbalance in my Soul when "over-engaged", whether it is in fear/darkness or 'love'.
To me 'true love' is rather quiet. Calm. Not shattery. Just like that 'calm whispering inner voice' of the Soul/Inner GPS. It's more a presence, an energy, than a sound. 

I do support "being in the light" however - but that the light should be aimed towards rather than from any prevailing darkness, in order to transform it. Enlighten it. 
That's sort of impossible if you turn your back at it or diminish it as merely an illusion or something 'not true' or 'unnecessary' and/or somewhat less "valuable" than The Light.
It might work in the short term to turn around, but in the long term I believe it comes back nurtured and stronger. Pissed off for not being recognised or acknowledged!
No, this not just a belief to me - it's my experience. It comes back stronger when turned down or neglected in some form - whether it's out of fear, anger or out of "knowledge/conscious choice". I've tried the latter for some years too.

My experience show that the only way to truly "get rid of it" (that is, transform it) is to accept it. Accept it - thank it, and even love it - for being there. Accept it as real even though not 'true' at face value. Sitting with it, without engaging in it, until it fades and/or has revealed its 'true face' - in the light of my light.  

Darkness and shadows can highly useful, when approached in a conscious manner!
I've been dealt a rather considerable amount of inner darkness (personal and collective), which (as mentioned above) I deeply and thoroughly hated for a long, long time - but which has ('coincidentally') turned out to contain many a gift, and most likely my 'calling' and probably and eventually 'my place of service'!
(Astrologically speaking I have my 'North Soul Mission Node' in the house of 'society' and the sign of 'limelight', in firm connection with the wounded healer Chiron in the house of death and transformation, and Mercury - the winged communicator and messenger - in the house of personal resources, and the sign of depths.) 

Below in blue lengthy lovely excerpts from kosmosjournal-org that touches this subject.

"Anyone may go through a period of sadness or challenge that is so deep-seated and tenacious that it qualifies as a dark night of the soul. Not long ago I was giving a talk at a university when a man shouted at me from back in the crowd: "I'm terribly depressed. It's been years. Help me." I shouted back my email address. In his voice and body language I could see that this man was not caught in some passing depression. His life was broken by some loss, failure, or long-forgotten emotional wound that left him in a desperately dark place.

I reserve the expression 'dark night of the soul' for a dark mood that is truly life-shaking and touches the foundations of experience, the soul itself. But sometimes a seemingly insignificant event can give rise to a dark night: You may miss a train and not attend a reunion that meant much to you. Often a dark night has a strong symbolic quality in that it points to a deeper level of emotion and perhaps a deeper memory that gives it extra meaning. With dark nights you always have to be alert for the invisible memories, narratives, and concerns that may not be apparent on the surface.

Faced with a dark night, many people treat it like an illness, like depression. They may take medication or go into counseling looking for a cause. It can be useful to search for the roots of a dark night, but in my experience the best way to deal with it is to find the concrete action or decision that it is asking for.

A dark night of the soul is a kind of initiation, taking you from one phase of life into another. You may have several dark nights in the course of your life because you are always becoming more of a person and entering life more fully. At least, that is the hope.

One simple rule is that a truly deep dark night requires an extraordinary development in life."

...

"In the archetypal psychotherapy that I practice, we always say: Go with the symptom. I don't look for quick escapes from the pain or good distracting alternatives. I try to imagine how a symptom, like a long-standing dark night, might be re-imagined and even lived out in a way that is not literally depressive. As far back as the Middle Ages at least, dark moods were considered to be the work of Saturn, a spirit symbolized by a planet far out in the solar system. He was cold, lonely, and heavy, but he was also the source of wisdom and artistic genius. Look through history and you will find a great number of creative men and women who have struggled with the Saturnine humor."

I have Saturn in my 1st house, conjunct my Ascendant - that is, he rose at the horizon the minute I was born. In company with Jupiter (expansion) - (more on my configuration)

"There are many examples of men and women who endured unimaginable ordeals and yet contributed in a striking way to humanity's progress. Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years under harsh conditions, yet he never lost his vision and sense of destiny. One of his younger fellow prisoners said of him: "The point about Nelson, of course, is that he has a tremendous presence, apart from his bearing, his deportment and so on. He's a person who's got real control over his behavior. He is also quite conscious of the kind of seriousness he radiates." This is dark night talk-presence and seriousness, the key gifts of Saturn-as a long tradition holds. Mandela's dark night was an actual imprisonment, not a mood. Still, he teaches how to deal with a dark night. Don't waste time in illusions and wishes. Take it on. Keep your sense of worth and power. Keep your vision intact. Let your darkness speak and give its tone to your bearing and expression.

As strange as it may sound, there is a temptation in a dark night to slip into enjoyment of the pain and to identify with your emotions and moods. "I'm a lonely person. I'm depressed. Help me." One striking quality we see in men and women who are dealing with their dark nights effectively is a lack of masochistic surrender to the mood, which can be forceful and dominating.

Mandela had "control over his behavior." He didn't succumb. It's important to live through the dark night, acknowledge it, notice its qualities, and be affected by it."

...

"The rule is simple: Human beings can do more than one thing at a time. You can acknowledge your darkness and still find some joy."

...

"The first step is to embrace the darkness, take it to heart, winnow out any subtle innuendos of resistance. Then find any images that are trapped in the thick dark mood or situation. Those images may hold the clue to your release and future service. Angelou lost her voice, a fascinating symptom and a strong image, and then became known worldwide for her voice. The cure lies in the illness, the hint at future activity within the symptom. If you tone down the dark elements because they are painful and discouraging, you may also hide the gifts that are there for you."

Card: Queen of Wands
(from accompanying deck guide)
"It's time to root your purpose and boldly into the limelight of your life."
"Don't be afraid to be the center of attention, and for Goddess' sake, stop acting small in order to make those around you more comfortable."
"It's okay to hold shadow in all of this light"