Suffocation + SP, Didactic + Jungian

08.04.2020

Theme(s): "life is learning" + "collective unconscious, archetypes, dreams, and such"

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The D Didactic Tarot is very a very special artistic deck. It has the extra suit named Diffusion ("pause"), which appeared in my reading today. 

"Didaktikos is a Greek word that means "apt at teaching." It comes from didaskein, meaning "to teach." Something "didactic" does just that: teaches or instructs. "Didactic" conveyed that neutral meaning when it was first borrowed in the 17th century, and still does; a didactic piece of writing is one that is meant to be instructive as well as artistic." (merriam-webster)

"On the subjects of art and Tarot, I would be remiss id I didn't confess: oftentimes I feel that they are like an expressive dream, the unconscious language of the soul. Only you can interpret what they mean to you. Sometimes it's a blatantly obvious "slice of life", other times it's completely cryptic, and the abstract symbols dare you to try to make sense of them."

"I have dubbed this work of mine The Didactic Tarot, because the process of creating has been exactly that. [...] Life is learning, and acceptance of the fact is the greatest gift one can ever give to oneself." (from the Didactic Tarot Book)

Association: what Gary Zukav calls The Earth School.

The Universe teaches me what I need to know and do for ultimate growth, for alignment of my personality with my soul, and so I can contribute and be of service with my inborn gifts and talents - which is not necessarily what the Ego wants and wishes to learn and do, in search for just having a swell time.

So. I think there's some serious below the surface (Jungian) learning (Didactic) going on at the moment. Below the 'pains of the body' and 'complaints of the Ego'.

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The Jungian Tarot is... I don't know. I truly, truly admire C.G. Jung, and it was through his writings I finally faced my own terrifying psyche 6 years ago, but this deck and the authors interpretation and use of Jung's wisdom... nah. I can't really feel Jung in it. It's very "technical", and feels rather dead and soulless to me. I have other decks that are merely 'influenced by Jung' which I hold much closer to my heart. The Venetian Carnival Tarot is one example that immediately comes into mind.

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CARDS
D Didactic: Suffocation
"The earthen temple of the Apothecary was a tomb inside a garden, ever growing like an Eden, full of life and so much earthly pleasure. The Dwarf and his white Tiger stood sentry and let none step o'er the Western boundary. They became preservers of all the resting bodies, as they returned unto their mother's womb."
Reversed: "sickness, weakness, failing to heal" (today a nagging back pain made itself heard again - a little nervous how I will manage to not only to do what "needs" to be done at home, but also if I will manage to trim 6 horses tomorrow, after quite some time away from it...
My body really is 'failing to heal' - that is, be in the shape and status "I want it to be" - most probably for some teaching purpose.)
Jungian: Page of Swords
"...an idealist who may rely too much on others. He loves to love and seeks refuge from a coarse world in his inner mind and in story book fantasies. He may be an artist or a poet and is a delightful friend and companion who is able to find interest and beauty where others may not see it. On the other hand, because he seeks the ideal, perfection in all things, he can be very disappointed and hurt by those who cannot measure up. He is kind, gentle, and extremely intelligent, but can be gullible and easily reached through his emotions."
"He may, from time to time, completely withdraw from society and may even become seriously emotionally ill."
"...because so much of what he does is a response to others, his contributions cannot be separated from the situations in which he may find himself and from the people with whom he associates." Surprisingly the Jungian 'delivers' today ;). It actually hits the nail's head in a way too complex to really expand on here, but which I ponder greatly at the moment - especially this last sentence. Fits under the headline "Feeling that my existence/'me' has no meaning in and by itself, only in a context and in connection with others - but where and what is the context, and my knot in the spider web of life, where my inborn gifts will be developed, use and of most service to the greater whole and the consciousness evolution?
I'm still too much this Page - too emotionally entangled. (It's very interesting how the Jungian Tarot put so much emphasis on emotions for this Page, who generally is related to thoughts, energy and ideas - Swords) I still often feel the need to recapitulate and withdraw to 'lick my (imagined) wounds' when 'others cannot measure up'.
So much of what I do or (mostly) say is in response to (or a reflection of) others or the situation I'm in, which very often have the effect that 'others' think I am the response/reflection...! And the effect that follows from that is that I feel that 'others' are looking at and talking to someone beside me rather than 'me'. 
I'm pondering much about this. Should I just basically talk less to avoid this uncomfortable effect? Should I withdraw more and lessen the need to talk? Should I reflect less, what I feel is to 'become more shallow' - put less emphasis on my desire to 'be myself', if it's causing these 'problems'?
Should I move on and continue to search for a context where I more naturally 'fit in', and my 'innate me/gifts' are immediately 'spotted/felt' and more explicitly asked for?
I apparently have a lot more work to do, as I still seem to have trouble not pushing people away, or 'have them think I am my response'. Or have I just not 'found my context' yet? Because I'm not yet who I'm born to be? Because my personality isn't not yet sufficiently aligned with my soul? Are there just still too much expectations and fears in me?
And, MAN, how I long for mutual explicit spiritual partnerships - it's so tiresome and lonely being in surroundings where I am the only one looking and working for it - she said humbly ;) :D
So many life lessons left to learn.

I'm not my words. I'm not the even the watcher of my words. I'm the watcher of the watcher.

"I am not I.
I am this one
walking beside me whom I do not see,
whom at times I manage to visit,
and whom at other times I forget;
the one who remains silent while I talk,
the one who forgives, sweet, when I hate,
the one who takes a walk when I am indoors,
the one who will remain standing when I die."

Exciting times!

The D Didactic Tarot and The Jungian Tarot