The Fool + P9, Celestial + Royo Dark

08.01.2020

Well, good morning lovely Wednesday! How are you today?
And the cards did not disappoint this morning, either!

Theme(s): "written in the stars" + frustration/anger (fear)

I don't know where to start!! So much inspiration, associations and connexions tumble around in my little human brain. Naaa, just kidding - in my consciousness! And in my unconscious, frenetically knocking on the door of the conscious, wanting to join the party!

Let's try bring it out into the air, one step at the time, shall we?

_____

First I flipped The Fool card.
No, first I spin the wheel and got Celestial Tarot.
(Actually, it started already in bed, where I played a little with my (free) Pocket Fortune app - amazingly accurate and inspiring response..! Tried some YES/NO and Card of the Day so far)
Ah - my sense of inspiration and connection is "true"! It IS from the stars - not generated out of fears or wishful thinking or cravings! L.O.V.E.L.Y!
(AND - I'm feeling the difference more and more clearly - YAY!!)
*Mix-mix-mix-cut the cards*
The Fool.
Uranus!? It's not just "true" momentary inspiration - it's actually good ground shaking changes going on!? 

Uranus - insight, expression of the self, a new way of looking at the world and the things in it
Uranus - Break-Troughs and insight
Uranus - this planet is one that looks forward to drastic changes
Uranus - represents our intuitive abilities that spurs invention

Honestly, I did not want to check whether to draw another card or not. I wanted to enjoy the moment "while it lasted". "Before fears creep up and ruin everything" :)
I know, they don't - they teach. But it's still an immediate habitual reaction (fear) I get. It can also be wrapped under the term The Upper Limit Problem - when you hit your own (unconsciously created) upper limit for happiness, and start sabotaging for yourself! When you for example for no apparent reason start do worry (fear).

"I first noticed the Upper Limit Problem in myself, back when I had just finished my Ph.D. in the counselling psychology program at Stanford. One day I was sitting in my new office, having just landed my dream job, feeling as good as I could remember ever feeling in my life.

Suddenly, after about ten seconds of enjoying that feeling, I found myself consumed with worry about my 7-year-old daughter, who had just left that day for her first-ever 3-day sleepover camp. I found myself obsessing that she might be lonely and homesick, even though she hadn't even been gone a full day.

In my anxious state, I called the camp to find out if Amanda was okay. The camp director told me she could see her out the window playing soccer and she looked just fine. After I got off the phone I reflected on how I had gone so quickly from feeling great to being so caught up in worry, especially worry that was not connected to any reality." (Gay Hendricks - author of The Big Leap)

Anyhow. I threw the (digital) dice. One more card. 
Okay...
Random spin:

Royo Dark - the deck of "Anger and Frustration pulling you down"..! (out of 136 decks)
Wow. Amazing. The very thing I wanted to postpone, smack in my face!

Because that is what happens when I hit upon a connection with inspiration, destiny etc.
I - NO, the Frightened Parts of my Personality - begin to question it. STIFLE IT!
"Are you sure..?"
"Are you really, really sure...?"
"You can't make it on your own..."
"Who do you think your are..."
"You know how ridiculous your ideas and desires are..."
"You don't know what's best for you...." 
Ssssss....
Like snakes they crawl up from their hidden quarters of fear and pour doubt all over you.
Or, if I'm prepared for that they totally change their hissing.
"Go fetch then! NOW!"
"You have to fight for it!"
"Don't let them stop you!"
"Push for it!"
"You never know when you get the chance again!"
"Don't let it slip away - grab it - hold on to it!!!"

"Suddenly I had the flash of an idea: I had begun to worry because I was allergic to feeling good for any length of time!" (Gay Hendricks)

"Suddenly, it dawned on me: I manufactured the stream of painful images because I was feeling good! Some part of me was afraid of enjoying positive energy for any extended period of time. When I reached the Upper Limit of how much positive feeling I could handle, I created a series of unpleasant thoughts to deflate myself. The thoughts I manufactured were guaranteed to make me return to a state I was more familiar with: not feeling so good."

"Once I saw the pattern, it became obvious how it worked: I would enjoy a period of relationship harmony, then stop the flow of connection by criticizing or starting an argument."

"When you're engaged in these behaviors, or "Upper-Limiting," you're crimping the flow of positive energy."

"Worrying is usually a sign that we're Upper-Limiting. It is useful only if it concerns a topic we can actually do something about, and if it leads to our taking immediate and positive action.
All other worry is just Upper-Limit noise
," (experiencelife)

(Other Upper-limiting behaviour: blame and criticism, deflection (shrinking yourself), arguments, sickness.)  

_____

Back to the cards.
So, deck 2. Royo Dark.
* mix-mix-mix-cut *

Nine of Pentacles.
Sort of "the personal success card."

"themes are abundance, financial security, opulence, prosperous, wealth." (trustedtarot)

Bull's Eye!

That is - the moments when I really feel connected with my soul, when I feel deeply cared for and carried by the Universe itself, when I feel I have everything I need and will always have (as long as I take non-physical guidance), when I feel truly inspired (Celestial - Fool/Uranus) - BAM, the upper-limit is put up.

My system got early programmed to look outwards. To search for physical safety. To rely on other people and physical support. Putting my trust in hard work. Cash is king. What you can't see, can't exist.
"You do NOT put attention - and certainly not trust - in things you can't see, explain and control!!!" 
"What would other's say!?"
"You will end up on the street!!"
"You'll never make it on your own (and there's certainly not any 'god or man in the heavens with a long beard' who will take care of you) you FOOL!!"
"Quit that nonsense!!"

"Back in line you go" - when I'm trying Uranusing my way out of the fivesensory flock.
"Down girl! Come back to your (five) senses!" - when I as much as think of taking "The Fools Leap", into the comforting arms of a supporting universe, just waiting for me to 'take that leap already'. 

CARDS
Celestial Tarot: The Fool - Uranus and the journey of Individuation
"Uranus as the planetary spirit guiding the Fool acts suddenly and unexpectedly, uprooting the past to make way for progress. Poised to take a risk and rebel against the status quo, the future-directed Fool steps into the unknown to begin his unfolding journey into self-understanding. He is naked, personifying the soul at the beginning of the adventure - innocent and unaware of the initiations and lessons lying ahead. Arms out-stretched his abundant faith and optimism compel him to follow a dream, a hunch, a feeling, to experience where it may lead him. The appearance of the Fool suggests movement, unexpected change, a fresh start and a challenge lying ahead. On an oracular level the Fool suggests a turning point on the spiritual path of individuation."
Royo Dark: Nine of Pentacles
"Maturity, the search for serenity and security" (-> when I search for true maturity and security - in the hands of the universe - my fears expect havoc and go berserk)

__________

"Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. That thermostat setting usually gets programmed in early childhood. And, once programmed, our Upper-Limit thermostat setting holds us back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance and creativity that's rightfully ours.

So, how does the Upper-Limit Problem work, and how can we eliminate its negative effects on us? The foundation under the Upper-Limit Problem is a set of four hidden barriers. They all have something in common: Although they seem real, they are based on fear and false beliefs about ourselves. The fact that we unconsciously accept them as real is the barrier holding us back. We take them as real until we shine awareness on them. Then the barriers dissolve, and we are free."

***

"When you find yourself worrying, there is something positive trying to break through. Your worry-thoughts, particularly if you find yourself recycling the same ones over and over, are a flag waving at you from your Zone of Genius. Something is trying to get your attention.
Look beyond the worry-thoughts and you will often find a new direction that's being laid out for you.
" (experiencelife)

Some fears wants to put up the upper-limit, and yet other fears wants to fight those fears for doing it (they want to 'defend and stand up for themselves').
A Power Struggle becomes a fact. Resistance fighting resistance.
With compromise or truce as best possible outcome.
Truce is not love.
It's silent resistance (resentment/temporary withdrawal).

"A power struggle collapses when you withdraw your energy from it. Power struggles become uninteresting to you when you change your intention from winning to learning about yourself." ― Gary Zukav (link)

Decks #14 and #105: Celestial Tarot and Royo Dark Tarot (mini)