The Hermit pos4, Javanne Tarot
I have a sense that I badly have to free myself from my brain on a more encompassing level now. I have of course needed that for quite some time, and I've felt "stuck" in a very special way for many many years now. But then there's the right place-right time thing. It's not always about "lots of will and hard work".
Indeed it is not.
When it comes to spiritual growth it's seems to be the other way around!
Lots of will and hard work belongs to the the "survival of the fittest" era - the society of fivesensory perception.
Spiritual growth and contributing to the growth in conscious awareness requires something completely different!
Which leaves me (feeling like I'm) out in the cold - I do not feel at home in the first, but I have not yet qualified for the second - because I still, to a great extent, habitually think like one do in the first!
I long to settle down in the land of spiritual growth - but my brain habitually interferes and tries to think me there. Nice (literally) thought - but hindering the process.
Occasionally I'm managing to shake it out if it's ways. One method I have is this one - using Tarot decks. Many of them - do dribble my habitual thinking. I have the most versatile and ingenious intellect, so I always have to find new ways to disrupt its operations. Because the second it recognises things or patterns it have a prepared thought, opinion, suggestion, solution or whatever. Admittedly sometimes (more and more often) in wonderful symbiosis with intuition, but far too often disconnected from soul, spirit, and bulldozing my emotions.
I see it more and more clearly now.
I feel it more and more clearly now.
It frustrates me.
Headaches are presenting themselves more and more often - and it wouldn't solve the problem to "rearrange the parts" - or take a pill.
"Help" maybe - but not take care of the cause.
But certainly not help me getting were I desire to - and need to - go!
"If you assume that the brain is the mind, which is the working assumption in 99% of neuroscience research, there is little room for solving the problem. It's as if you hear a piece of music you don't like on the radio, so you try to rearrange the radio's parts."
I can feel how my brain "interjects its own feedback" each and every time I try to feel my emotions. It habitually jumps ahead to figure out "a solution" without even knowing "the problem". Unwilling to recognise that the so called "problem" has tons and tons of information and lessons to teach me.
It was on board as long as I focused on the symbolical aspect. As long as I focused on relationships, connections, and meanings. Something that has certainly helped me to do. But when I try to incorporate feelings in the equation in bucks, to use horse terminology.
My system Just. Don't. Want. To. Feel.
It loves having opinions, speculations, and thoughts about the feelings, and figure out things to do, say or buy to get rid of them - but not FEELING them.
Tarot, horoscopes and dreams have taught me so, so much about my feelings - their roots, their make up, their effects, and so on - but they can't do the work of feeling them for me!
My intellect is writhing in agony over this.
The Frightened Parts of my Personality are writhing in agony over this.
I can't solve this by means of shear will and hard work - that only creates resistance.
It can't be fixed through changing diets, habits, friends, workplace, or buying more stuff.
It's not about DOING, it's about BEING.
DAMN! / Frightened Part of Personality
Allowing things (feelings) to be what they are.
Shine light on it.
Be curious about it - instead of frustrated, angry or resistant - because it is part of what I am here on Earth to learn.
I can never force the habits to go - but I can hinder them from acting out. With awareness I can stop what I do when habits intervene, and recognise that I have a choice!
"You can make self-awareness a primary goal, so that by knowing yourself completely, you untangle the hidden knots and obstacles that limit freedom of choice. This happens through examining your behaviour and constantly asking "why do I do this?""
"In one way or another, all [of these] tactics are both workable and self-limiting. The problem, to begin with, is that brain training is very stubborn and tends to persist despite our best efforts to undo it."
"the Eastern tradition holds that there must be a state of choiceless awareness, for the simple reason that the chooser, the one making all of these big and small decisions, isn't itself a choice. "to be or not to be" is definitely not the question. We all exist; we all have a self; we all participate in life. Thus the state of choiceless awareness is defined as the source of the mind, the starting or zero point that gives us our existence. Then the project of getting free is to realize that you are free to begin with."
"In that light, choiceless awareness is problem-free, not by being passive and waiting on the corner while the world passes by, but by virtue of awareness interacting with itself. Instead of choosing new ways to act, think, and feel, we can shift our allegiance to a state of awareness where action, thought, and feeling automatically synchronize with what is needed."
"Choiceless awareness is unique because it is complete. It recognizes that awareness is capable of dealing with life effortlessly, once we get out of the way."
I really need to get out of my own way!
"1. Recognize the state of duality.
2. Find reasons for why you no longer want to be trapped in duality.
3. Find a teacher or teaching who convinces you that there is a better way.
4. Test the teaching on yourself, being neither too credulous nor too skeptical.
5. Keep in mind that expanded awareness is always the goal.
6. Shift your allegiance away from "I, me, and mine" toward a higher sense of self.
7. Hang loose and allow the process of higher consciousness to work its way through." (choprafoundation)
I really desire - and fear - hanging loose!
But, I know it's the (my) way - not forcing results, allow things to just be and unfold in the pace it's meant, in sync with my learning, spiritual growth, receptivity and development.
More and more I sense and feel the flow - I'm just not firmly established IN the flow yet!
Card: The Hermit, position 4
"Here the mountain is up-side-down. A rat if light is forcing its way through the middle penetrating the dark and showing us the way. Your path is illuminated. This is the helping aspect of The Hermit and of the mountain. No matter what situation you are in, there is help to be found. The light can reach you. This help can come from your environment or from the realms of the spiritual. In this position the light penetrates the dark and you may, at this point in time, experience something that will teach you the lesson that light is more powerful than darkness. If you offer your heavy, dark thoughts to the light they will disappear. The light can be the power of faith you can find in your inner self. It can also be the spiritual light you seek - something you feel drawn toward right now or something others are leading you to. It could be a healer" (Javanne Tarot book)
Horses (as stated many times through history, in many places) are excellent teachers - soul mirrors! They can help you develop your body and mind awareness, they can tell you when you are in the here and now - or when you are in your head, ego or a Frightened Part of your Personality. They can show you the gate-way to reality!
Another of my many tools to get a hang of life, reality and being!
"It would be ideal if reality and our model of reality merged into the same thing. A model of reality explains how the universe was created and how it operates. You might think that this is a definition of reality itself, but it isn't..."
"we cannot trust our five senses, which tell us mistakenly that the sun rises in the East, that a thunderclap happens after a flash of lightning, and that there could be no such things as small as bacteria and viruses, since they are invisible to our eyesight."
"Models are right about what they include and wrong about what they exclude." (reality)
Deck #64 Javanne Tarot.