The Star, Art of Love Tarot
So - this deck was eager to show up again! (see its first visit here)
Theme: manifesting true love (as compered to acting on unconscious feelings confused with love)
Card: The Star - Hope
Nice knowing there's hope :D
"Stars shine brightest when it is dark. Out of your darkness, comes a singular point of faith and hope to light the way. Shine!"
I have a sensation that my calling involves darkness. The hidden. The silenced. The avoided, ignored, and stuffed away. Partly because I myself happened to be terrified of darkness, silence and solitude as a child - but mostly because all these things turn my inner fire and passion on! Like nothing else does.
I was terrified of darkness and my own mind (psyche) well into my thirties - but (of course) at the same time always drawn to mystic and unexplainable things. Ghosts, dreams, UFO:s, the Universe, etc. My soul longed for it - my rational mind hated it. My rational mind always won, in the past. Until I no longer could "keep the soul check", 32 years old.
As a child I had nightmares about lying in my bed, not being able to wake up. Waking up - only to realise I was still dreaming. Over and over. Awful. Lying in bed staring at the door. But there was nothing out there. Nothing ever came through the door. Nothing ever showed up. There wasn't anything in particular frightening me. I just wanted to wake up - but couldn't.
The dream stopped at around 20, but returned at 33 - when I begun investigating the Psyche, with the help of C.G. Jungs writings. The dream returned - but now with something actually coming through that door! "So, no it's finally time to meet it", I thought to myself in the dream. It turned out to be a Gollum-looking thing, that I wrestled for a little while. The creature then turned into a person I knew - a lovely, caring, sweet, motherly kind of person. My stuffed away soft, feminine treats. Stuffed away since childhood, in favour of all my rational abilities. Or rather, I have a sensation that it's even since before childhood - since these things have been stuffed away for generations and generations. As I didn't even have a clue what I was afraid of as a child, lying there, terrified in bed - awake as well as asleep - seeing nothing in particular in my dreams to actually be afraid of.
I've never really felt that my inborn fear and anxiety are mine, but rather inherited. But of course confused by the fact that they have been felt in me - then they have to be mine, right? They must be me and mine if I feel them inside me!? How terrifying.
I had no one to talk to about these things (at least no one who didn't want to give me pills for it...), so I stuffed my feelings away. Tried to.
Until I was 32.
It was a complete (awake) nightmare to enter into my own depths at my own, with only (even though excellent) books as guides. A real "Don't try this at home" experience.
But I finally came out on the other side. As a new person. Or at least as a person now "knowing" (as far as that's possible) her true essence. Knowing her essence - but having great trouble turning the knowing into being.
Still have. It's somewhere there my life is right now - and probably will be for the rest of my life, as life is about this!
Learning to be my essence to a greater and greater extent.
Learning to appreciate, inspire, engage and express my essence!
Learning to SHINE my essence.
Learning to love myself.
And then, learning to give away the same love (because: you can only give away what you have).
I guess this could be summarised as: The Art of Love!?
And again, I love the reminder that there's hope :)
I've always somehow felt that the person who can best give me what I need, and comfort me most, is: myself (when I'm not focusing on dragging myself down that is)!
Now I've come to know why!
"Through challenge or ennui, you have come to know what is truly meaningful and developed the skills, knowledge or passion required to start something new."
I feel a fire and passion growing in me (a feeling of anticipation and excitement, somewhere in my stomach), which I don't think I've ever felt before in my life.
At the same time I feel a deep calmness growing (a feeling of deep seated trust, somewhere in my head), never felt either, growing too.
"The Star energy will take you from where you are, to where you want to go"
I love the thought of supporting others who want to wake up, get to know themselves (and the universe) inside and out, dark and light, and love themselves - and thereby create a warmer, more positive and more open, honest, true and aware world, one soul at a time!
What a dream to work with this 24/7! <3
Reds from deck companion.
Deck #9: Art of Love Tarot