Three of Swords, Fountain Tarot

27.04.2020

The lovely Fountain Tarot.
Theme: 'interconnectedness', the source

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Card: Three of Swords - A Shattered Heart
"In its cold and stormy environment, the Three of Swords indicates that you are taking your first, tentative steps into a particular area of life...and your heart is about to be abruptly broken. A piercing truth or occurrence is imminent and your life will not be the same once it has happened. It will hurt, but in retrospect, you saw it coming and if you're really being honest, it's accompanied by a sense of relief. Though it's little consolation in the moment, it's times like these that bring us our most profound growth."
Meaning: "a painful truth revealed, a separation or loss involving love, betrayal, heartbreak, emotional numbness, personal growth through disappointment."

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Ouch!

Yes.
A pierced and shattered heart is necessarily separated from love - meaning Love with capital L. The Unconditional Love coming from/being the source.
It's really painful to feel separated from the glorious fountain of Love and Life, and be lost in outside things and events - in the "problems of ordinary life" that the head continuously creates, the stories the head fabulate, believes and like to cling to. 
It's painful to accept this truth, and disappointing to realise I've let it happen - again.
I've let the head and Frightened Parts get the best of me - again. 
Awareness is a good start to "get out of it".
Acceptance a good second step. 
Having the courage to feel.

I've done it before, I can to it again.
But these particular Frightened Parts that are active, and partly in command now, are especially heavy and tricky to accept, feel and release. 
But as I am very obviously given this excellent opportunity to work through these old hurt parts of me, I assume it's both important, and the right time to do it.
"We're given challenges/opportunities matching our current needs."

My head and the Frightened Parts of my Personality certainly don't want to let go of their old stories - they want to soak, the want to bury themselves in past experiences and loose themselves in a dark lonely future. They feel useless, unloved, insufficient, unimportant, pointless and meaningless no matter what.
I do that when I get too close to someone - because then I have someone to project all these buried feelings onto. 
That's why, in essence, I for a rather long period of time have avoided getting into new relationships - especially the other sex - I just don't have the courage, strength and means to face these feelings and karmic wounds that get triggered.
But - as I'm given this challenge now, I guess I have..! 

And, for sure, I've levelled. Now I know I project - which I didn't when I was younger - but the feelings are as horrible as ever! I know that the emotions aren't "caused" by something or someone outside - but that they exist in me, and only get triggered by outside events.
But, pain is pain is pain. Terrible to experience. You instinctively try to avoid it. 
Why I've avoided "getting emotionally involved" for a long, long time - because it triggers so much karmic 'stuff'. 
Why I have an old habit of, through intensity (emotional dependency), push away in early stages. 
Why I instinctively at the same time want to run and hide (creating distance and independence physically).
Why I instinctively want to "spare" others from me.

I most probably should neither try to avoid relationships, nor engage in either of these mentioned outdated reactions, originating in fear. 
But in a sense "it's all I know".
Massively reprogramming necessary.

"you are taking your first, tentative steps into a particular area of life"

(Three of Swords from the Art of Life Tarot)

What then?