W7 + PP, Fountain + Transparent

05.02.2020

Theme(s): 'interconnectedness', the source + transparency 

CARDS
The Fountain Tarot: Seven of Wands - Unshakeable Determination
"...attacked in broad daylight by a gang with six wands. He is clearly outnumbered but a quiet certainty emboldens his confidence; he will stand and defend his ground. The encounter is unexpected, but what is more surprising are that the faces he recognises as some of his friends and colleagues."
Transparent Tarot: Knave of Pentacles
"Youth is brimming with ideas and enthusiasm: this is its strength. Study and a wise guide guarantee its future maturation."

______

I am (yet) very sensitive to negative and judgemental energies. 
Especially regarding my life, and my path.
When my life and my choices get (consciously or unconsciously) attacked - when they are not consciously (beyond words) accepted. 
Especially when the attackers have mentioned "familiar faces". 
When close ones claim to accept, but in reality fear and disrespect my knowledge, my true inner worth (source/Fountain) my choices and My Gifts - either because they don't understand them, or because they don't agree/are of another "opinion" - and are stubbornly insistent on showing their opinions (consciously or unconsciously), rather then stay present with what is (me), open up, let go of judgement and hard faces, listen and be there.

Those persons who claim they love me, respect me and accept me one minute - and then show disassociation with my personal choices, feelings and needs the next. 
Close persons who say they want to help one minute - but get irritated when the help I actually want or need (to their discomfort) doesn't suit their taste, comfort zone and/or opinions.

Of course these persons rarely have the awareness that their disassociation, irritation and distance-taking is coming from their fear of the unknown, their non-acceptance, and is somewhat of an "attack in disguise" (often named 'defence'). They are unaware of that their "harmless opinions" are in fact pure non-acceptance - as they are totally attached and can't let their "just opinions" go for even one minute, and non-judgmentally be openly present in the presence of persons or things not suiting these opinions. 

____________

I'm now on the spiritual/wholesome path meant for me, and I am 'brimming with ideas and enthusiasm'
But my nontraditional kind of dreams and desires are often looked upon with fear and worry (sometimes disguised envy).
Their fear and worry get the best of them, and the density of their energies (momentarily) overshadows and drowns my enthusiasm. 
They let the(ir) fear to be more important than (my) joy - and I sometimes (momentarily) tag along.
This is conditional love. Love with strings attached. Unconscious love.
Not the fearless, non-judgemental unconditional open Love (with capital L) Christ and Buddha talked about.

_____________

Whether unconscious or not, it still hurt.
It still activates feelings of smallness, and of feeling invisible and unimportant - as their opinions, fear and comfort zones are (consciously or unconsciously) more important than my thoughts, dreams, desires and feelings. 

"I can see that their eyes look at me,
but they don't See Me.
I can only see the judgement in their eyes,
the hardness in their faces,
and feel their disowned fear and closed hearts.

The desire to hide myself again awakens.
I long for connection"

_______

This should of course not effect me, if I was firmly anchored in myself.
So, of course, it's not "their fault". 
They, and their actions/words, are only (highly teachable) triggers to my feelings and reactions!
Bless them all!

I (thankfully) don't have to change them - I have to change myself (though hard, it's possible - which changing others are not)!

_______

I will get there! With my 'Unshakeable determination'.

"ideas and enthusiasm: this is its strength. Study and a wise guide guarantee its future maturation."
Transparency Tarot - I need to work on being more transparent. Not get caught by others fears and accompanying (unconscious) reactions, and let it drown my enthusiasm.
See them and their reactions for what they are - let them pass through me.
See, listen, learn - open, but not attached.

I'm getting better en better on this every day, but it's hardest to calmly "stand on my ground" and "facing attacks" when my desires, ideas and enthusiasm coming from the Soul (The Fountain) are involved. "Then it gets personal!".

When I invite people into
My Home

My Path, 
My Dreams, 
My HEART... 

...and they fall victim to their scrutiny, judgements and opinions.
Then it hurts. 

______

Above described are among the hardest lessons in The Earth School to learn for me.
And, of course, the reason why I continue to get them - until I learn to handle these kind of situations, I will keep on attracting them!

"Laugh, know why they're there, and never forget who you are when they leave"

Wow, that's powerful teaching! <3

I'm not (ever) a victim - I'm a student getting a lesson!