Warrior Seven, Sidhe Tarot
Theme: gifts from the universe (the unique capabilities you are bestowed as well as the unique tasks you are supposed to solve with the help of them)
CARD: Warrior Seven ('Seven of Wands') - A Hero's Challenge
"Once the concept or idea has been formed by The Dreamers, the next stage of manifestation is the passionate drive, the urge to create and act on will." (remember this Dreamer?)
I woke up with a dense and foggy headache this morning.
So many diffuse thoughts, so many feelings being processed, and strong, loud, resistant Frightened Parts of my Personality (cowards) being challenged - there is so much activities "behind the scenes", "down under"!
Buns (Authentic Power) in the oven!
I think all this "creating and acting on will", all these official commitments and engagements, this loud "YES to myself", are really bugging some of the strongest Frightened Parts of my Personality. I feel the resistance manifesting in my brain/head, in my suddenly sore weak muscles, in my sudden shortage of breath, in the tensed upper part of my stomach and in form of uncomfortable tension in most of my chest - all at the same time.
All of these "ailments" are ol' pals of mine, that I "got used to" earlier in my life. As the doctors never found anything (measurable) wrong with me, I mostly labelled sensations of discomfort as "I guess this is the way it is for me", or I just stuck my head in the sand (my primary go-to regarding the mental discomforts). Intuitively knowing that there was something more to it - but absolutely terrified of finding out the true answers. That is: Absolutely terrified of Myself. My true self. The One in there. The one that when I least expected it "took over", so that I suddenly became like an observer of my own life and doing, or more accurately an observer of someone else. In a weird way I suddenly got engulfed by the feeling of being someone/something else, trapped in a body with a personality - all the while knowing that the body and personality are "mine/me". I knew that the body, the personality, all emotions etc attached to them, and everything they were doing was "me", but in some indescribable way the connection to it was lost. It was a terrifying experience, occurring far too often, which I never could reconcile with.
Of course the sensation was always there, even in between the distinct disconnects just described - hence my lifelong anxiety and fear of Myself. I have really, really never understood who I am and how an I work.
I've tried to keep myself busy and distracted all my life, all to avoid having to confront this/me/life. Fear, lack of knowledge and insecurity being the main reasons I guess. Lack of knowledge regarding How as well as Why that is.
I have for quite some time known the Why by now. 6-7 years of extensive nonprofit in-house studies in the hidden realms have made that quite clear - with Gary Zukav's works and explanations sewing the bag neatly together (for now)!
The Why-work was incredibly frightening in the beginning, but in due time somewhat comfortable. After all, I "am" a M.Sc - used to reading, studying, analysing, and so on and so forth. Mercury in Scorpio might say something about this?
I have a strong sense that the Why-stage is mostly done now - in its current form. The stars, coincidences, things-coming-together and such, seems to point towards a stage-transition.
Regarding the next stage - How-wise/doing/being - there is a lot more to do!
And again a bunch of Frightened Parts gets really active.
As long as I stay in the "study-phase" there is some sense of comfort and control that these parts really like, and dislike to loose.
But, no help in denying it - it is a time when moving from the Dreamer (thinking) stage to the Warrior (doing) stage is called for.
Time for a new battle/stage on my Hero's Journey.
Maybe it can also be called the Return. Returning from the netherworld or initiation. To Return back with what I have learned. Return with the Elixir - my gifts (Sidhe theme). Return to a life in freedom - free from self-imposed chains. Return to service - maybe support fellow humans in their transition from fivesensory perception to multisensory perception.
There's is resistance, not to say refusal, from Frightened Parts to make this Return, just as it was to go down in the first place. Frightened Parts of the Personality (the ego) always shun true change - in every direction - and tries to prevent it in every way they can!
New stage means further change means new "Dragons" to slay - "fighting a worthy cause"!
"Another day at the office" :D
I have to do the work myself, but there is always the desire/need for (physical or non-physical) experienced mentors and guides - persons, "coincidences", dreams, intuition, books, etc - for mental support on the sometimes ardours journey.
The Mentor pushing me to leave the known - the world as I knew it - was Klaus Ferdinand Hempfling. Appearing and disappearing 2013-2014.
Then I encountered mentors, guides, guidance and support through books, decks, movies, and not to forget my own unconscious through thousands of dreams.
Now I have a feeling that Mr Zukav (with the help from his spiritual partner Linda) might be the mentor pushing me back up again - by giving me some great tools for the climb (that is: encounter, and contribute to, the outside world with love and integrity intact - and creating some much needed Authentic Power)!
At the same time as I have found an education in my own country that provides the opportunity for further self-development in group-form. An opportunity to meet people that cherish these subjects as much as I do, who are as found of talking about them as me, and who also have made the commitment to align their personalities with their souls - and, like me, consider this work to be the most important work to be done, and the work they were born to do!
If you're up for some more existential reading, including highlights like "Our way of thinking is fundamentally incoherent with the workings of natural systems and processes. It's also frequently incoherent within its own terms." and "...the world is not what we think. We see it not as it is but as it best serves us to see it.", written by Wendy Howard (link)
L-O-V-E-L-Y, if you ask me :)
Deck #109: The Tarot of the Sidhe