WP + S9, Erotic Manara + Mystical Cats
Theme: exposure + spiritual integrity
Erotic Manara: Knave of Fire ('Page of Wands')
"Companion, lover, help"
Mystical Cats: Nine of Air ('Nine of Swords')
"This Sky Cat trembles as all his worst fears rampage through his sleeping mind."
"The fears that overtake you are just that: fears. They may have no connection to reality [...] Don't get caught up in a nightmare vision of your life. Wake up and put things back in perspective."
"Conquer your fears by facing them head-on."
"Avoidance and denial have not served you, and you are now in a position of strength to make real changes in your life."
So. Many. Combinations. Of. Thoughts. Popping. Up!
It can require some help to get rid of problems/pains.
Someone in white coats who can offer some insights to your ailments.
I've visited my share of (physical) white coats in my life - none (zero) which could give me any particular insight..!
Excuse me, that was pretty harsh. They did actually give me a lot of insights. With more and more coming each day.
They - through their methods, their measuring, their tests, etc - taught me that I was very, very (physically) healthy! Scoring super "normal" in everything. Except for the times when they found water in one of my lungs, some random double beats in my heart, and then 2 uteruses.
Why didn't I feel healthy?! Why was I always SO tired (but not able to sleep good at nights), and why did I develop allergy to cats, horses, apples, and the sun? To mention a few of the things I mentioned to the doctors.
I never mentioned my extreme anxiety, or the terrible fear I carried around inside, to them. I somehow knew they couldn't help me. But 2012, when I couldn't put it off any more, and felt nothing but dread 24/7 I softly mentioned it to the "experts". This - as expected - primarily resulted in prescriptions for pills, and talks with a psychologist telling me that my brain was broken and didn't produce enough serotonin. "According to proven scientific research".
In desperation I jumped on their train, only to jump off about a year later. Thanks to a very unique and dear friend of mine, whom I met during these times, and Klaus Ferdinand Hempfling. These two amazing souls gave me the courage (that is: activated my inborn courage) to start listening to, and follow my heart. Putting my soul and spiritual path higher up on the priority list - or at the list at all to express it more accurately(!?) (aka 'spiritual integrity' - Mystical cats).
I then begun a long, arduous, terrifying, lonely - but finally successful and healing - search for the roots and true story behind my inner dread. Thanks to a another type of "white coats" (doctors of the mind, spirit and soul - working in the burning corridors beyond the physical) I found what I was searching for! I exposed the inner darkness to light! And I had the company and support of all the Book and Tarot deck creators and writers (the Erotic Manara card above)
Finally there was and end to the rampage of my inner fears, as I faced them head on - and put greater and greater importance in my spiritual integrity (the Mystical Cats card above).
That's one phase I associate the cards with. The phase of creating a base-point and laying a foundation. Getting some understanding of the mechanisms of the psyche, the soul and the spirit - and the split between matter and spirit. Getting some understanding of it in myself, in others and in the world.
Now I've entered a new phase.
To become the one I want and were born and meant to be - and finally to give what I was born to give.
To set a conscious intention and commit to these deepest desires of my soul.
Now comes the next layers of fears to be faced. More parts that are ready to be healed awakens in each phase. With some parts that can be healed only through interaction with others - and not in isolation and solitude.
Once again I find a "white coat" that can guide (help) me in my work exposing more frightened and dark parts of my personality to light! (Erotic Manara card - Mystical Cats card)
I have also found new potential companions through the different educations I'm currently in, and some that I'm about to begin. And in due time I'm convinced that spiritual partnerships will arise in my vicinity!
A reflection a frightened part of my personality could have had on the card combination of today is "exposure creates agony". This frightened part would then see the warning red colour in the left card, and the result in the right card. "You can't expose all this personal stuff, and put it on on display the way you do!!!", "of course you end up in anxiety and agony!!!"
But the soul and spirit can't agonise, only the personality can. Only frightened parts of your personality can. The loving parts of your personality and your soul IS love (in the greater sense - not the sentimental kind).
Only by exposure to light can darkness disappear!
Only by challenging the Frightened Parts of my Personality can they/I heal - and become who I was born to be, and do what I was was born to do!
The feeling of lightness and brightness appears more and more often, increasing at a rate not previously experienced - with anxious and fearful feelings decreasing in corresponding rate - as I challenge the Frightened parts of my personality (something I "unknowingly" already have experimented with for many years, to a limited extent, because of limited knowledge - therefore with limited results)!
Further, it have always appeared to me that I've had a somewhat different perspective on "personal stuff", and what's "appropriate" to talk about or not. I can as easily talk about whether as agonising anxiety - both being merely "things" of the universe, good or bad depending on personal perspective.
Admittedly, I rather talk about anxiety of the two - and in general about things that make me come closer to and know others better in a deep more personal kind of way.
It might just be that I am a multisensory messenger sent from the universe with the assignment to be a part of creating a more spiritual kind of world, where people are more interested in changing themselves than others, where people are more interested in knowing themselves and the universe than collecting things, where people relate more than they separate, and where people look inside for answers rather than outside (while using the outside as a damn good mirror of course :) )!
Time (the Universe) will tell!
Decks #35 and #85: Erotic Manara Tarot and Mystical Cats Tarot
(the latter with homemade box - didn't fancy the original large plain one)